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Vanessa Guerrero

@nessguerrero.bsky.social

Horror dork. Handsome idiot. Formerly El Rey, Attack of the Show. Formerly at Game Grumps.

3916 Posts4770 Follower 334 Folgt

Vanessa Guerrero @nessguerrero.bsky.social · 24m ago

What shape is this?

Vanessa Guerrero @nessguerrero.bsky.social · 15h ago

I keep asking people to send me audio of them screaming as loud as they can but only for one second and it’s resulted in the funniest evening of my life.

Vanessa Guerrero @nessguerrero.bsky.social · 15h ago

A few years ago my friend thrifted me a Turtle coin purse and I thought I lost it AND I JUST FOUND IT. YESSSSS. ❤️

Vanessa Guerrero @nessguerrero.bsky.social · 19h ago

My parents have been together for 40 plus years and I love that I say things like “One second, I have to call my mom to see how their date went.” WHEN ME GOD. WHEN IS IT MY TURN.

michael swaim 🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍⚧️@michaelswaim.bsky.social · yesterday

In honor of the day, here is my very short zombie story inspired by Bradbury's classic. Mine is called "There Will Come Soft Brains."

Dawn broke pink and pale yellow over the crest the day Charley went to work for the last time. Wispy clouds moved low across the sky like pencil-thin mustaches, inchworms, incisions. He decided to walk.

His feet knew the route by muscle memory. It was the next best thing to taking the bus, thought Charley - he could sit back, relax, and take in the sights. The first rays of real sunlight picked out bits of glass and pottery amongst the rubble and made them sparkle. A big black column of smoke that had developed over the last few days greeted him cheerily. The smell of animal matter quietly rotting hung in the air, but it was not as thick as it had once been, not enough to sway Charley's feet from their course.

Tumbledown tenements, finally fulfilling the destiny embedded in their descriptor, lay scattered in Charley's way like post-tantrum lego bricks. His feet took him patiently around them, making course-corrections whenever he found himself bumping up against a felled power line or shattered brickwork. It was trial-and-error.

He passed a few folks as his feet meandered up and over a gentle hill. A man he didn't recognize picked away at the last scraps of a picnic lunch in the browned grass, despite the early hour. A woman he had known once shuffled past on her way to town, underdressed for the weather. He made eye contact with neither - Charley had always been shy.

As he topped the rise, Charley's head swung around and his place of work came into view. It looked like a sheet-cake someone dropped a bowling ball on. Half was a massive crater, partially filled with rainwater, grass already growing between and through chunks of concrete like platelets coagulating to seal a puckered wound. The other half was glass and graphite, vast, and wildly out-of-place nestled among several acres of unspoiled forest as it was. Its design was timelessly futuristic, minimal and sleek. It lay among the trees like a crash-landed UFO.

Undeterred, Charley made his way to an employee entrance on the un-ruined side of the building, startling a flock of birds as he staggered through fallen branches and brambles. Emerging from the final furrow that lay between him and the office, he noticed a large chunk of flesh had been ripped from the top of his left foot, which was shoeless. I knew I forgot something, thought Charley.

He soon passed under the shadow of the sign bolted to the front of the building. It said "APPLIED BIOTECHNICAL SOLUTIONS." As he approached the automatic door, an RFID chip that had been inserted into the flesh behind Charley's right ear the day he was hired communicated with nearby circuitry. The door opened and he passed through, leaving soggy footprints.

The trip from the employee entrance to Charley's personal workspace was not a walk in the park, either. Office furniture barricades, bullet-holes, elevators out of order. Charley sighed inwardly at the coppery smell of great quantities of dried blood, old blood. He wanted to clean it up, but that wasn't his job. Try as he might, Charley's body only seemed to want to take him from home to work and back to home again, echoing the simple journey he had made most often in his life.

So muscle memory and instinct again drove Charley on, up a concrete ramp and onto the metalwork walkway that would take him to the cafeteria kitchen stockroom. Soft overhead lights glowed and dimmed in succession as they sensed him pass beneath them. A soothing song played faintly from somewhere.

Charley felt the pain of the fresh gouge in his foot, throbbing, shocking. No blood rushed into the wound from his pale, necrotizing flesh, but it hurt just the same. Charley wondered how that was possible, and about dead nerves and phantom pain and the mind-body connection - but he was no scientist, just a prep cook. He forced himself to let the thought go for the thousandth time.

Because Charley was still in there, you know? That's what you can't know until it's too late. It's only the body that rots, only the body that turns. The mind, that's all intact. As you get sick, as you kill, as you choke down wet handfuls of undifferentiated human flesh. It had been at least three months since the outbreak, and he remembered it all, tucked away in there inside his own body. It was the next best thing to riding the bus.

And miracle of miracles, even through the pain and madness, Charley was still with it enough to feel grateful. For example, he hated rot, but he was thankful for it too. Rot and rust. The things that end, that make change and make way. Today, Charley was grateful for the rusty metal plate beneath his feet that chose this moment to buckle and tumble him down into a nest of frayed wires still juiced with electric thanks to the facility's underground generators and turbines.

Charley's body thrashed and moaned, trying to untangle, but only made matters worse for itself. Charley could feel the buzzing pain wracking his nervous system, could smell the ozone smell of the plastics in his clothes starting to melt and catch. In his mind he sang a song of exultation, he thanked God for inventing impermanence.

It takes quite some time for the flames of a body on fire to reach and destroy the brain. Charley couldn't die of smoke inhalation or black out from pain, but he could feel the flames eating him. That was alright, he decided. Just before his eyeballs burst, he thought he could make out the fire licking up the walls of the facility itself. It was all going to burn down now. He was glad.

Charley tried to think of something important to think, but couldn't. Instead, his weary gray matter automatically related the experience he was undergoing to some words he'd read in a short story that stuck in his mind. He let them loop pleasingly as things wound down:

"Smoke and silence. A great quantity of smoke. Smoke and silence. A great..."

Vanessa Guerrero @nessguerrero.bsky.social · 22h ago

My mom said my dad won 40 bucks on a scratcher and immediately said “Baby I’m taking you to yogurtland!” (This is their favorite date spot)

Vanessa Guerrero @nessguerrero.bsky.social · 2d ago

I wish Turtle loved any human in addition to me because I want her to experience more love!

Vanessa Guerrero @nessguerrero.bsky.social · 2d ago

The guy I’m dating sang a song to my cat about how they’re gonna be friends someday. My ovaries burst into flames.

Vanessa Guerrero @nessguerrero.bsky.social · 2d ago

I bitched at an old friend that she’s seen my boobs and I have NEVER seen hers and now I get to see her boobs!

Vanessa Guerrero @nessguerrero.bsky.social · 2d ago

I’m $500 away from being able to make a payment which should help buy me some time. I would like to keep us all housed because Turtle is used to her like of luxury (getting her own shelf in the living room). gofund.me/779549a4c

Donate to Help Vanessa Keep Her House While Looking For Work, organized by jennifer guerrero

Hello friends. I don’t think anyone has ever made a go fund me be… jennifer guerrero needs your support for Help Vanessa Keep Her House While Looking For Work

gofund.me

Vanessa Guerrero @nessguerrero.bsky.social · 2d ago

All I’m saying is I’ve never seen Snoopy and Joe Cool in the same room.

Vanessa Guerrero @nessguerrero.bsky.social · 2d ago

Donate to Help Vanessa Keep Her House While Looking For Work, organized by jennifer guerrero

Hello friends. I don’t think anyone has ever made a go fund me be… jennifer guerrero needs your support for Help Vanessa Keep Her House While Looking For Work

gofund.me

Vanessa Guerrero @nessguerrero.bsky.social · 3d ago

I’ve been watching a ton of Bewitched and I’m thriving.

Vanessa Guerrero @nessguerrero.bsky.social · 3d ago

I asked a man to get me red onions and he said “all I see are purple ones”

Vanessa Guerrero @nessguerrero.bsky.social · 3d ago

A fun side effect of this temp job at Mattel is I have become more obsessed with American Girl doll lore than ever before.

Vanessa Guerrero @nessguerrero.bsky.social · 3d ago

Oh my god 😭 my mom was going through family photos and found the picture I took with my childhood dog, Daisy, that I had been looking for forever. I have no photos of Daisy so this has been the only image I have to remind me of that she looks like. Best dog I’ve ever had. I still miss you girl.

Vanessa Guerrero @nessguerrero.bsky.social · 3d ago

My mom got these photos taken when she was pregnant with me and every time I saw them I was like “wow my mom is the most glamorous woman alive”

Vanessa Guerrero @nessguerrero.bsky.social · 4d ago

I want kimchi jjigae with lots of pork and tofu and crunchy kimchi. I need it on a sexual level.

Vanessa Guerrero @nessguerrero.bsky.social · 4d ago

My roommate recently got diagnosed with autism and I was like “girl I know, you have a ranked list of room tone noises”

Vanessa Guerrero @nessguerrero.bsky.social · 4d ago

One time I was on psychiatric hold and asking to go home and the doctor was like “nah we’re gonna keep you here a month” and so I said “Fuck you Nurse Ratched” and she said “Oh so you’ve read a book” and I obstinately said “I WATCHED THE MOVIE!”

alber @captainacabairbud.myatproto.social · 3w ago

nice joke, lol, reminds me of this unrelated political thing i can’t stop talking about

Vanessa Guerrero @nessguerrero.bsky.social · 4d ago

My dad asked for my chili pepper seeds to plant because he’s having such a good time with the plants I got him and my mom said no because it wasn’t in the budget and he was like “But it’s my hobby 🥺” and she caved lol

Vanessa Guerrero @nessguerrero.bsky.social · 4d ago

My mom is trying to send me home with a rotisserie chicken to hold in my lap on the train later.

Vanessa Guerrero @nessguerrero.bsky.social · 5d ago

You have no idea how annoying I can be. I got a mime to yell at me when I was 15.

Vanessa Guerrero @nessguerrero.bsky.social · 5d ago

I don’t usually go this femme but I smell nice!

Stella Sacco @antlervel.vet · 6d ago

God I want to make my Columbo game so bad.

Vanessa Guerrero @nessguerrero.bsky.social · 6d ago

My roommate gave me a Camp Miasma shirt!!!!

Vanessa Guerrero @nessguerrero.bsky.social · 6d ago

My boss asking me if I’m content with the status of a project: “Vanessa are you happy?” Me half listening: “Do you mean like fundamentally?”

Vanessa Guerrero @nessguerrero.bsky.social · 7d ago

In 2018 my roommate was in the This Is America music video and you better believe I used that to get us everything from free shots to a ham.

Vanessa Guerrero @nessguerrero.bsky.social · last wk.

Talked to my therapist about the very real possibility of losing my home and she said I should walk around thanking my home for being there for me for 6 years and anyway it ended up with my weeping and hugging my laundry machine.