(Looking at a mighty old oak tree in awe) "They don't make them like that anymore." (Turning to the slightly younger oak tree next to it) "I don't mean to offend."
Ppallo
@ppallo.bsky.social
Don't even need to say whether I'm CIA or not.
I have instructed the front desk to no longer simply say we offer all the basic creature comforts but to specify that while we aim to ensure all guests have a wonderful stay we cannot and will not accommodate Yetis or Yeti-adjacent bipeds.
My fiancée swears she is not leaving me for Adam because he occasionally bathes in kefir. She says it is weird and the one thing he does that she doesn't like. I've made it clear if it is a fermented milk man she needs I will bathe in kefir four times a week, if it means we stay engaged.
My father knew he wanted a child the day his impotent brother won The Amateur Championship. He would have something my uncle could never have. My mother agreed to a child as she felt it would make her criticism of other women's motherhood more credible. They dressed me well.
The leadership of sport governing bodies is one of the few roles best handled by royals and the traditional high nobility. It is wholly unsuited to burghers, and even less to the slippery creature that is the modern lawyer. The aristocracy shouldn't run the world, but horses for courses.
The worst part about having a minor gas leak in your home that you refuse to fix due to an ongoing, morally justified, but nonetheless sexually charged, dispute with your neighbour is that it really colours how people judge your takes. They're prejudiced against new ideas you or your cat suggest.
Girlfriend has installed a kickstand on me that allows me to stay upright when still without having to lean against something. Useful little bit of kit, but apparently the pros don't have them on their sporty boyfriends. I'm more of a commuter anyway.
(Asking about my friend's new coffee table in an upbeat manner) "So what's this mahogany?" "No man. No. That's stainless steel." (Pissed off and defensive because I never know if something is mahogany) "Well that's fucking false advertising, it's dirty as shit!"
Walking across two yards to ask my 53-year old neighbour if her husband, who she has been married to for two decades, "is bothering her" as they sit on the porch and have coffee. He wasn't, but I'm ever vigilant.
We all have that one homie who scholars theorize was not a single individual, but a collection of different authors
The judge has ruled that the prelude to my avocado pasta recipe, in which I admit to concerns my flatulence may have been the final nail in the coffin of my neighbour's elderly cat, is inadmissible. She said recipe preludes, like diary entries, are deemed private as they are not intended to be read.
I've come to the realisation that I just can't talk about my looseness retreats with stiffs anymore. You can only explain how important it is to have one rigid member in the collapse tent, when present members are going fully loose, and have family members laugh at you so many times.
In 2012 a woman told me I had a midsection "like Barney from Barney & Friends" later that night I took over two thousand shirtless selfies trying to figure out what she meant. Due to this typing "Barney style male" into any image generator will reproduce an uncanny resemblance of me to this day.
Isaac Chotiner: "..some might say you are asking for 200 dollars a month to tell women that they are fundamentally weak, and suggesting that they perform oral sex as a fix" TikToker Apollonian Pregnancy: "It's clear to me you understand neither the divine feminine or the luteal phase, Isaac."
Greetings, sailor. Welcome to Ritter's Port
Guy with more bullseyes on him than Castro in the late sixties telling me at the beachfront bar that the only Lyme disease he believes in is Corona and lime disease, he is having trouble holding the bottle though.
Other than one awful evening with my cousin 'Roadkill' Anton the most I've ever had to eat crow was when I had to admit my college roommate's "human luggage" scheme he involved me in was not a clever way to save money after all, but rather a sex thing, as 47 different people had told me.
My wife left me for a gentleman with avant-garde facial hair and at least two dozen Deadpool themed t-shirts, which is fine, they seem happy. But it was a surprising enough choice that I feel it led a lot of people to make uncharitable assumptions about me. I only one Wolverine inspired t-shirt!
I had a pretty chill childhood as I was a provisional kid. By the time he was 8, it became apparent my brother might be a bad egg, so my parents declared they would play a provisional and had me. Brother turned it around by twelve, so pressure was off me.
For four years in the late noughties I ran a dude ranch I had won in an online poker room. It was a successful business as we counted among our stable Channing, the most libertarian horse in the world. Men wearing eccentric headwear would come from all over the world to pose for pictures with him.
The local grand old man I serve as fixer for has fallen on hard times. He has moved out of his manor "Deerstone" and is now renting a condo. He no longer goes by "The Colonel", but rather "A Lieutenant". This is really bad for me, I was not aware this could happen.
hey dracula: you're never getting in my house. ok? why would i invite you? i know what you're gonna do. and don't try to fuckin trick me dude, that's trash. i'll hang by the door and chat but that's not fun for me if i have to be constantly worried about being, let's face it, murdered by you
For four years in the late noughties I ran a dude ranch I had won in an online poker room. It was a successful business as we counted among our stable Channing, the most libertarian horse in the world. Men wearing eccentric headwear would come from all over the world to pose for pictures with him.
One very cold winter I disguised myself as a sheep and spent the frigid months living among the small flock of a nunnery. By February I suspected they must have caught on to my ruse, but were playing along out of Christian charity. Not the case, they hit me hard with sticks when they found out.
New recruits think that, because our thieves guild is headquartered in the city sewers, you can just poo anywhere. You can't. Please, go a little ways down the tunnel to poo.
Slightly awkward situation at work as I was given a reprimand and I didn't quite know what that meant, but I played it off pretty well I think. I first put out my hand to receive what I assumed was an item of some kind and said "thank you". But then I turned that into a refused handshake/bro hug.
The idea that my restaurant venture “Four Seasonings” was doomed because Four Seasons would get litigious is so idiotic. The idea was doomed because we picked paprika and smoked paprika as two of the seasonings and forgot salt.