HOLMES: You see here, Watson, around the keyhole, the small scratches? Clearly a drunkard’s fumbling with his keys every evening after too many pints at the pub. SUSPECT: I have Parkinson’s, asshole

I believe this is the most recent time this vital question was addressed definitively x.com/Joshstrangeh...

The weasels in Roger Rabbit float up to heaven when they die because even the evil toons are unafflicted with human original sin

god hear my prayer. all I want is a cheap diner w/ shitty furniture. The food does not have to be immaculate! I am a reasonable person. Just a classic shitty diner please! In walking distance! And while I’m asking also a new groundbreaking weird anthology show with incredible writing & fresh ideas

𝙒𝙄𝘾𝙆𝙀𝙍 𝙋𝘼𝙍𝙆 𝘽𝙐𝙔 𝙎𝙀𝙇𝙇 𝙏𝙍𝘼𝘿𝙀 𝙂𝙍𝙊𝙐𝙋 ᴏʀɴᴀᴛᴇ/ʙᴀʀᴏǫᴜᴇ ᴠɪᴄᴛᴏʀɪᴀɴ (?) ᴡᴀʟʟ ᴍɪʀʀᴏʀ ᴡɪᴛʜ ᴀ ʟɪᴛᴛʟᴇ ɢᴜʏ ɪɴꜱɪᴅᴇ - $𝟤𝟧 𝟹𝟼𝚑 𝚡 𝟸𝟺𝚠 𝚖𝚒𝚛𝚛𝚘𝚛 𝚠𝚒𝚝𝚑 𝚊 𝚕𝚒𝚝𝚝𝚕𝚎 𝚐𝚞𝚢 𝚒𝚗𝚜𝚒𝚍𝚎. 𝚈𝚘𝚞 𝚌𝚊𝚗’𝚝 𝚜𝚎𝚎 𝚑𝚒𝚖 𝚠𝚑𝚎𝚗 𝚢𝚘𝚞 𝚝𝚞𝚛𝚗 𝚊𝚛𝚘𝚞𝚗𝚍 𝚋𝚞𝚝 𝚑𝚎’𝚜 𝚒𝚗 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚋𝚊𝚌𝚔𝚐𝚛𝚘𝚞𝚗𝚍 𝚠𝚑𝚎𝚗 𝚢𝚘𝚞’𝚛𝚎 𝚕𝚘𝚘𝚔𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚒𝚗 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚖𝚒𝚛𝚛𝚘𝚛. 𝙲𝚊𝚜𝚑 𝚘𝚗𝚕𝚢

[hand over heart in elevator]

This teaser has made me feel fully insane I can’t wait

You Can See Everything | Official Teaser HD | A24

YouTube video by A24

youtube.com

Loving every syllable of this headline!

on bike ride this morning thinking “there should be a day when they close lakeshore drive so you can bike on it” and got home and opened computer and learned there is that day, once a year, it’s today, and I missed it

one of my most fervent Crank Father Opinions is that if you're an adult celebrity you should not then be writing children's books as a fun little side project. you already have a million dollars, let some Circle K cashier write The Tale Of The Big Silly Bear

I wish I could find the cost of a 1-day walk-in shower somehow

only normal thing fetterman has done lately is skip a three hour cop funeral. when I die that shit better be 20 minutes tops. Take a plate and a soda on your way out

Adam Bonin@adambonin.bsky.social · last wk.

Whatever happened to John Fetterman, between the stroke and the mental health issues he's been dealing with, this isn't "just decided that being an anti-Dem troll was more fun." This is profound, and that staff is leaking texts like these shows that they know it. www.wsj.com/politics/pol...

have progressed to quietly-mediumly muttering “gahhHH” while looking out window in a taxi and when the driver and the kids say are you okay I say “I was thinking about something stupid I almost said a year ago but didn’t actually say” then they all share concerned glances with each other

Reba@reba.bsky.social · 3mo ago

one day I will be like 80 years old and brushing my teeth and thinking about something stupid I said when I was 22 and then yelling “fuck! Christ!” in my shitty little old person apartment

every time I tell the children to do a chore and I say pretty please with sugar on top this is what I’m actually thinking

First text message in 6 years

Not setting a morning alarm for the first time in weeks, thereby guaranteeing I will be fully awake for the day at 3:30 am

child found quarter on walk to school and admonished me when I was about to put it in their backpack with the other change because it would be impossible to tell which was the lucky quarter

[checking out a beloved longstanding local game store] oh right I hate games

don't get me wrong, i love the pleasures of the flesh! but it's always fun when people get back from Camp Pleasures of the Flesh and start posting like "transcendent love in human connection… the ephemeral beauty of movement and sound…" of course you had fun, you were at Camp Pleasures of the Flesh!

I don’t care if it’s lib coded or whatever to say but this is very very funny. come on man look him lol

Fine, I condemn Bong Bong the Clown. I find his japes perfunctory. His balloon animals strike me as vulgar. The bursts of laughter he evokes from children ring hollow to my ears. Now can we please get this city council meeting back on track

people with social anxiety need to chill out and be normal. And that’s my two cents

topics covered in seven (7) minutes while waiting for other children to get to the playground: why babies are bloody, conservation of angular momentum, where odie’s tongue goes when it’s not out, why you can say vagina but not cunt, how many times I got dumped as a youth

This is important

The prologue of every Stephen King novel published between 1975 and 1988: Under thy shadow by the piers I waited Only in darkness is thy shadow clear. The City’s fiery parcels all undone, Already snow submerges an iron year...--Hart Crane We've got the biggest balls of them all --AC/DC

physical pain

(Calvin's dad voice) The two types of personal hygiene products are degreasers and lubricants. All products fall into these two categories. Shampoo? Degreaser. Conditioner? Lubricant. Toothpaste? Degreaser. Deodorant? Lubricant

Sorry gotta do it baby. Always Be Plugging. 30 + writers and musicians on their top 5 Weezer songs. www.welcometohellworld.com/the-world-ha...

The world has turned and left me here

The 5 best Weezer songs ever

welcometohellworld.com

@lukeoneil47.bsky.social loved the weezer article but now I gotta tell people “oh I recently got back into weezer” 😩