Fruit contains vital nutrients (fruitrients) that support your body's bone growth (bowth) and organ/intestinal development (orgintestinelopment).
Reality crashes like a mighty wave against the waterproof jacket of my ignorance.
Dad's talking in his sleep, muttering about communists and low-carb diets. I'm holding an axe, ready to strike if he says anything demonic. He will. Demons love possessing old people, at least according to the movies I've seen. I think back and smile. Exorcist III. Not perfect, but a damn good film.
Snuffing out the spark of dignity in my soul which ennobles us and sets us apart from the mindless beasts who would sooner eat their own young than reflect upon life and its wonders to own the libs.
Lawn culture signifies humanity's final humiliation-conquest of the traditional refuge of predators, parasites, and irritants: the long grasses.
It's been said that time heals all wounds. This is not true. Different wounds require different treatments. For example: Time heals temporal wounds. Music heals sonic wounds. Food heals nutritional wounds. Friendship heals social wounds. Bathing heals hygienic wounds. Logic heals thought wounds.
The United States ends tonight. The old system of states has failed. The American People will replace them. Every person must become their own state, with their own laws, customs, identities, and sports teams. Where once were 50, now are 300 million. Welcome to the Disunited States, "citizen."
A nonbinary president would make America great for the first time.
(after every firework) Haha, nice, but we still need to grapple with the long-lasting effects of slavery, guys.
Every night, I pray the British come back and finish what they started.
BREAKING NEWS: A loud voice was just heard throughout the District of Columbia, saying "My work here is done," and shortly thereafter the Washington Monument flew up into the sky and disappeared. Early reports are indicating that we are on our own now.
The American Dream is to buy the world for $1 and sell it for $2.
In honor of America's 250th birthday, we're counting down the 250 best American songs, all written by Neil Young, who is Canadian.
In keeping with the rising tide of political sadism in the country, U.S. officials announced that today's fireworks are being set off exclusively to terrorize dogs and other weak-willed animals.
Land of the Buy One, Get One Free. Home of the Atlanta Braves.
While the hamburger is an obvious and fitting choice, for my money, no food is more American than the hot dog, and yes, it's because of its phallic nature.
Taking a cutting-edge approach to patriotism in which I'm only proud of the good stuff.
Our family will not be celebrating with fireworks (a Chinese invention) on this very special Fourth of July. Instead, we will load our wagons and travel westward in search of land and gold, forcibly displacing any native peoples we find there, but in a colorblind way, as MLK would've wanted.
jazz is all about the weapons you don't allow to prosper against you
[Richard M. Nixon] Lvl. 37 Burglar War Chief. STR : 18 DEX : 15 CON : 18 INT : 22 WIS : 16 CHA : 20 Special: "Crook Charge." [Henry Kissinger] Lvl. 56 Undead Diplomat. STR : 14 DEX : 16 CON : 24 INT : 26 WIS : 21 CHA : 19 Special: "Explosive Negotiation."
William Henry Harrison's campaign slogan if he was a rooster: "Tippecanoe and Cock-a-doodle-doo."
I told my son neither Alexander Hamilton nor Benjamin Franklin were ever President and he started crying. I really hate this little dweeb.
(sequel to Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter) Lyndon Brains Johnson: Zombie President.
Regardless of the actual causes of the Great Depression, Herbert Hoover should've been burned at the stake in order to appease the gods and restore the people's faith in government.
The "W" in George W. Bush stands for "Weasel." The "H. W." in George H. W. Bush stands for "Hated Weasel." The "J. E. B." in Jeb Bush stands for "Jealous Enraged Beast."
to celebrate the occasion im buying 250 wild boars and setting them loose in my neighborhood