You claim to be a socialist but you won’t eat a strand of spaghetti with me until our lips touch. Interesting
Sometimes I get bummed when I’m not invited to things but then I’ll think about it and damn they were right, I definitely would have killed that vibe
Request: a video of someone throwing it back to the sound of geese honks
This looks delicious I can’t wait to find out what temperature it is
I don’t want to look good in a picture I want to look stupid in real life
I hit you with a “wakey wakey“ text at 4:54am. The notification rouses you from your slumber. This is a test that will determine the course of our relationship- you have a lot on the line but me? I have nothing to lose
My neighbor told me I could pick as many of these blueberries as I’d like, can’t wait to try them
Had Thanksgiving with a group of my mom’s friends and was worried about not having anything to talk about with them. Luckily they brought up UFOs and ghosts and time travel all on their own without any prompts from me.
Ever been so full of gratitude you fuck up the biggest bird you can find
Just checked the 2026 calendar, my birthday is going to be on the 14th again???
The age difference has always been a little weird but I can’t help it I just love my mom
Just got a haircut that will ensure that whoever falls in love with me will truly love me for who I am
Someone’s gotta say it- scallions should be a more badass food
Sometimes I get bummed when I’m not invited to things but then I’ll think about it and damn they were right, I definitely would have killed that vibe
I believe that the technology to text our dogs exists and is being withheld
[my 36 year old ass] hey mom it’s me again, just calling to ask if I should date a 28 year old? Okay love you call me back
Anytime someone has said “she ate” the she was me and the ate was a chicken leg
Honestly I am exactly the kind of girl who gives up just like that
Idk you guys, I just used a food processor and I think we’re being a little too trusting of our kitchen appliances
Anyone else thinking about how we as humans produced like 16 billion pairs of skinny jeans and then someone was like we shouldn’t wear those any more
Now what’s a blueberry like you doing on a sidewalk like this
Closing my eyes and hoping for the best at every four way stop
I saw a bright light and awoke in a sterile white room. i couldn't move. an un-marmot figure hovered above me manipulating my body with strange devices. i swear i'm not making this up. it happened.
bakoon@bakoon.bsky.social · last yr.wash marmot
You arrive at the coffee shop, 7:30am on the dot as the mysterious note you found on your bedside table instructed. To complete the final task you call out “Boobert? Is there a Boobert here?” Everyone’s eyes shift to you and in perfect unison they all say “yes”
WARDEN: and for your last meal? ME: everlasting gobstopper WARDEN: son of a