i saw this like 7 years ago and will never unsee it

you up?

*putting out a bowl of license plates for the great white I’m sharksitting*

[cheerleading tryouts] me: *farting into a megaphone* coach: *in walkie talkie* “he’s back but wearing a fake mustache”

if you’re friends with someone who wears an ascot, you can’t be mad when you get invited to his dogs birthday party

the 90’s tried to call but couldn’t because their mom was on aol

having a walk in closet means you own 100+ pairs of pants and you can fit into 7 of them

[sex ed class] [kid raises hand] how will I use this in the real world? TEACHER: tbh, you probably won't Kyle

COP: do you have any drugs or alcohol in the car? ME: no COP: [radios to partner] swing and a miss. this guys a nerd

I’m indifferent to big butts and I lie like a mother fucker

watching national geographic and learning there's a species of sheep that live in Big Bend National Park that literally stand around and kick each other in the balls??

what’s the worst thing you could name a baby? my vote is for adolf vanilla ice epstein

maybe baby likes it in the corner, johnny maybe sitting in the corner allows her to see all angles of the room but did you ask her? no you’re too busy pelvis thrusting

Little Women 2: Even Littler

Proper terminology matters. It’s the difference between helping your uncle jack off a horse and helping your uncle extract semen from a horse.

having a walk in closet means you own 100+ pairs of pants and you can fit into 7 of them

somewhere in an opposite universe, mitosis is actually yourfingerbro

I cant believe its been a year since hulk hogan stopped saying the n word good for him

what’s the worst thing you could name a baby? my vote is for adolf vanilla ice epstein

“I'll just make up my own words that rhyme" -Dr Seuss and Anthony Kiedis

"why can't I ride the bus. you're embarrassing me dad" *landing hot air balloon in school parking lot* shhh I'm trying to concentrate

I'm in a weird place right now (my neighbor's grain silo)

imagine blocking me and i'm just over here drawing balls onto pictures of fish

who do we want? the funk soul brother when do we want him? right about now

Without saying your age, what’s your favorite movie that came out when you were 18?

Office Space Michael Bolton Disgusted

Alt: Office Space Michael Bolton Disgusted

static.klipy.com

Soren Bowie@sorenbowie.bsky.social · 2w ago

Without saying your age, what’s your favorite movie that came out when you were 18?

nice, france

imagine the 1400’s when people were like “oh fuck off Bartholomew”

Humans: i will go in a private room… in shame Cats: can u give me a box? Dogs: i’ll shit anywhere anytime

Legally, Im not allowed to say which one, but one of the Olson twins paid me $400 to drink her sister Ashley’s pee

even as a little boy i always dreamt of having bad knees