I don’t have a resting bitch face. I have a resting “this song goes hard” face

Tonight’s dress code: hot enough for the crop top, lazy enough for the sweatpants

Hot (Potato)

Scotch Tape ™️@therealscotchtape.com · 11h ago

Hot (Dish)

If you see me walking around with headphones in just know I’m in a completely different universe where I’m significantly hotter

She’s a 10 but she pronounces astute as ass toot

In this line doing my best not to crash out Pray for us

i’m a tattooed misery

The Mandalorian as a chef: This is the flay

Scotch Tape ™️@therealscotchtape.com · yesterday

The Mandalorian as a plumber: This is the bidet.

kinda fun watching other people flirt. no risk for myself.

Downgrade a movie Inconvenience on Elm Street

🌯🏫 Prof. B Zen 🏫🌯@burritozen.net · yesterday

Downgrade a movie Some Things Someplaces Some of the Time.

cereal is people kibble

I'm way too neurodivergent for coyness 😖

"Righty tighty, lefty loosey" -me describing how to pick a wedgie

Leela 🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍⚧️@leela-after-dark.bsky.social · yesterday

"Righty tighty, lefty loosey" -me describing how to work a nut

My apartment: it’s time to pay rent! Me:

You can’t ragebait a woman who has already decided you’re annoying

Plan a horrorfest using only your first name Dracula Evil Dead Vampire’s Kiss Orphan Nightmare on Elm Street

Rich Tate@richtate.com · 2d ago

Plan a horrorfest using only your first name. Rear Window It Cabinet of Dr. Caligari Hellraiser

Was taking my dog potty and the sprinkler decided to turn on as we were walking by

@sovereignremnant.bsky.social I’m not even sure where to begin. Go fix your busted eyebrows, brush your teeth, update your incel dating profile and fuck all the way off Toodle Loo bitch 👋🏻

I JUST got new tires on Thursday and somehow managed to get a screw in one of them 🙄

Devi@deviwestside.bsky.social · 2d ago

Sitting at Discount Tire in a dress because apparently this is what the baddies are doing on a Wednesday afternoon

Sitting at Discount Tire in a dress because apparently this is what the baddies are doing on a Wednesday afternoon

I'm torn between looking like a snack or eating one.

My aesthetic is confusing people and I intend to keep it that way

Wednesday is the middle child of the work week

One of my biggest nonlethal fears is being stinky.

Apparently when someone likes you, they just… ask to see you again? Fascinating. Groundbreaking. Revolutionary

Looks like all I'm good at anymore is catching blocks

We’ll return to your regularly scheduled horny posts and format jokes after a brief message from our sponsors

Trauma dumping for the soul

am I avoidant or do I just see the red flags

I shitpost for the people it’s a community service really I deserve a medal