I'm not telling anyone what to do, but please be nice to me, and also bring me a plate of food.

if you ever see me parallel parking please pretend you didn’t

riding it in a way that brings honor to my family

hungry for a tasting flight of a dozen different breads

Anxiety is so stupid like what do you mean my brain can’t tell the difference between ordering food and being eaten by a shark

richie@theregoesrichie.bsky.social · 4d ago

post your worst draft

one day I will quit the internet but it is not now or anytime in the foreseeable future

boobies are the tiddies of the chest

personally, I'd rather live next to trans people and immigrants than nazis

put me in your myspace top 8 so i know it’s real

Got grounded for eating grandma’s cigarettes again.

ME: [leaning back in the front seat] DATE: [feeling around in the dark] ME: sweetie you gotta use the right tool to pop the clitoral hood

posting for the fifth time in a row is this what it feels like to be a workaholic

As long as women continue to fake their orgasms, the patriarchy will never die.

Let’s get back to the times where being chubby meant you were more desirable

can’t remember if i’m supposed to cry or scream when i enter a roundabout so i usually do both

should i ride the mechanical bull at the fair?

Remember if you've ever liked one of my little jokes on here you can always send me 25,000 dollars

You ever just try to kiss a frog? Just to see?

first of all it was a “celebration of life” and second of all we BOTH know grandma loved my breakdancing

the christian bible says “don’t light your lamp and hide it under a basket” but 𝙢𝙮 bible says “don’t spend all your money on tattoos just to hide them under your clothes” and that’s why i’m wearing my shortest jorts with a cut up t-shirt to the fair tonight

Peacocking, but it's just the pockets hanging out of the bottom of my homemade jorts

i’m probably never gonna be anyone’s dream girl but maybe someday i’ll be the reason for someone’s nightmares

*flipping through a calendar* no no no this will never do we need more weekends

[taking drugs] yay I freaking love drugs

i don't want a big life. i want a cozy life.

i’m getting pretty old so here’s a general reminder: don’t forget to throw me into a woodchipper before i become a burden

Too pretty to be this broke, not pretty enough to make a living selling my underwear

egg “salad” tuna “salad” okay i’m game, chocolate cake “salad”

I would hate it if someone played a prank on me by logging in and paying my bills for the month

we should have moved on from potato salad after the 80’s