Delighted that the Reform expose came out WHILE we were recording tomorrow's News Quiz. I'm going to look like an absolute plum saying what an honest man I think Nigel Farage is.
Emily/Will Gotobed
@emilygtb.bsky.social
Generally likes and does comedy. Also Maths and games, they're cool too. Somewhere between agender and trans, any pronouns. Still asexual, that's been constant.
Rolo Ad Greatly Overestimates The Social Element Of Eating Rolos https://theonion.com/rolo-ad-greatly-overestimates-the-social-element-of-eating-rolos/
I'm so hungry for proper traditional bread I'm using the time machine to go back in time to bake myself some. Let's see, 360 years ago will do. I'll choose London as location and find myself a closed bakery and break in. Nobody will ever know I was there, unless I mess up...
Theme park fast-pass day everyday for two minutes challenge 😂
[being murdered while on a vacation] this murder costs twice as much as when i get murdered at home this is ridiculous
Final of A CERTAIN APPEAL is at 4pm. Do come along. As it's the last day of term we can play Kerplunk and watch the first hour of Final Destination on video.
OXFORD UNI STAFF & STUDENTS!!! Oxford has officially implemented the transphobic EHRC Code of Practice. PLEASE sign this open letter to commit to resisting it and supporting your trans colleagues, students, and peers. And please also share with Oxford acquaintances! www.oulgbtq.org/open-letter....
Dolly Parton Troubled To Find God Illiterate https://theonion.com/dolly-parton-troubled-to-find-god-illiterate/
Please, Dr Jones was my father's name. I'm not a doctor.
OK, racism should be defeated by argument, but I think the one they had with Hitler was actually quite a big argument.
A conventional sale is where you can buy items for a discount. A robbery sale is where you can get them at 100% off. You do need to be good at roshambo though...
[holding my wife's wedding ring as we emerge from a Tunnel of Hate in a goose-shaped paddle boat] what do you mean because of my over-reliance on meta humour and outdated sitcom tropes?
if i were the inventor of hieroglyphics, i would have simply made some that looked like letters
Chortle are seeing my show at 4pm today so please gather the masses around and come to it! Argh!
Today, August 20th, 2026, is the 20-year anniversary of me working at CollegeHumor / Dropout. At 42, that's nearly half my life.
Let me introduce the crew. *points to enormous muscular guy.* This is Big Dog, we call him that because he's huge, ha ha! *points to slim average looking guy* and this is Medium Dog. I'm sure you can guess why! That's right — he communes with the spirits of the departed
cop: know why I pulled you over? fortune teller: well let’s just see (flips over tarot card that shows a skeleton in a car doing 52 in a 35) ah frick
This leftover sign from Covid times has started to look like a lame brag.
