I'm disappointed because I care, so may as well talk about it 😤 Link to my 5 minute short film here for a limited time: youtu.be/OnVvmfgo2yI?...

me: “look at this” (trying to put my bangs in place as they keep flipping up and apart) friend: “is there some sort of repellant on your massive forehead?”

I once saw a video of a raccoon making a whole pizza and was so focused on figuring out if he was wearing regular glasses or Meta glasses that it didn’t hit me for a full minute that the raccoon was AI. I don’t know if I’m gonna survive the AI wars, you guys

Still internally screaming about how I spent 2.5 hours looking for the perfect focaccia, then several mins going back and forth with a very confused bakery employee who kept trying to sell me danish, only to open the bag later to a third kind of completely different bread.

When you can't find something for long enough that you check to see if you set it down in the fridge is a special kind of desperation

do you ever think about how Mamdani (@nycmayor 💘) enjoying the World Cup with incarcerated people at Rikers connects to the uprising of 25,000 prisoners in Brazil in the mid 2000s? yeah, me neither #zohranmamdani #nyc #worldcup #fifaworldcup2026 #newyork

recently learned my car has terrible noise insulation, meaning I’ve been coming home and absolutely blasting booty jamz at my elderly Korean neighbors at 2am for years

(brother smelling his fingers) Me: “what are you smelling your fingers for? pervert” Brother: “they smell like garlic.” Me: “why? you shoving garlic up your ass?”

How long can you hug the pizza delivery guy before it gets weird

witnessing someone learn a new word and use it incorrectly every chance they get feels like constipation

Reminder to sporadically check on your goths in this heat. Check under logs/in shaded graveyards and leave out a little dish of water at dusk.

it’s easier than you think not to be the man yelling at your girlfriend on a stranger’s phone

“god has a plan for you.” Ok, but what if the plan sucks

scrolling r/relationships and seeing every 5 posts are women complaining that their male partners don’t wipe/wash their butt is actually insane

Being creative sounds fun until your brain accidentally pisses you off with scenarios nobody asked for, like “what if you are eating and run into someone from your past while wearing a bib?” Now I can’t go to Boiling Crab.

Do you ever have someone do you wrong then they show up in your dreams and you are like, “Oh they are gonna fix it this time. My brain is gonna cure me” BUT THEN THEY DO EXACTLY THE SAME THING JUST IN A RANDOM ASS PLACE??

If you are a goalie and have elastic superpowers, does using your flexibility to just not hurt yourself as much when you fall considered cheating? This is a serious question

It’s 100 degrees out rn and someone somewhere is generating an ai video of a melting sex fruit who can’t stand the heat

Hot dog this, hot dog that. When are we gonna stop sexualizing everything

Sometimes I wish I could design my own house, but then I build a house in The Sims with unlimited money and resources and I’m like, “wow this is 100% atrocious”

Friend: “These photos I took of you are so cute!!” Me, looking through candid photos of myself mouth breathing with no life in my eyes: “You gotta start loving me less.”

Do you ever say something so dumb, people think you are being passive aggressive? My aunt hasn’t been nice to me since I was 15 because she asked me what my alarms were for and my sleepy ass said, “To wake up”

Sometimes you just gotta let people flail in the dark. I was out at a bar when a man hit on me in a very ignorant way. I reprimanded but educated him on the fetishization of Asian women and why his behavior was wrong. He listened intently, then shook my hand as he thanked me. About two hours later,

Watching my hamster roll around the house in its plastic ball with no sense of direction: “Is this how god feels watching me run my little errands?”

Brother: “I learned something pretty interesting yesterday.” Me: “I must know.” Brother: “Okay, it’s not that interesting.”

Tried on a denim jacket last week Store owner: "It's gorgeous." Me: "I do love a Canadian tuxedo." Off of her blank expression, I remembered I was in Vancouver. Me: "or I guess just 'a tuxedo,' huh?" She didn't laugh. This too shall pass.

No, it's fine that you forgot my birthday. I will only remember it for the next 64 years

Me cutting my dad's hair and him saying, "It doesn't have to be perfect. My good looks will make up for any imperfections" is how I know I'm not maximizing my potential as a menace

Me: (staring at little plants) Friend: “They like it when you talk to them. You should try it :)” Me (to plants): “G r o w f a s t e r”

I know that delivery robots probably have human names so people feel bad about bullying them, but they are going so hard with these lovingly picked POC names. Now I gotta see “Yusuf” toiling to cross the street and think about his Muslim delivery robot mom who carried him in the womb for 9 months