HolyCrayons
@holycrayons.bsky.social
Geordie. Pyjamas. Some kids. You know the script.
Crotch Goblin 3.0 got carjacked by a lad with no clothes on. Most likely a junkie. Mad times we're living in.
No but in all seriousness, if Richard gets banished I will burn this shithole to the ground with everyone in it.
It's literally October next week. It should not "feel like" 24 degrees on the north east coast.
Someone on Instagram just unironically/completely sincerely said Toploader's 'Dancing in the Moonlight' would be their 'wake me up from a coma' song and I can't.
The Italian holiday episodes of 'Everybody Loves Raymond' are running again, just incase you want to do something better like swallow a carrier bag or or staple your nipples.
I have to forego a cheeky post-lunch nap today to attend a phonics meeting at school.
Fuck. Forgot to take part in the Great North Run again. That makes 22 years in a row now.
My new toxic trait is judgmentally watching videos of strangers plating up their Chinese/Kebab takeaways and then wanting their takeaway. Apparently.
This is reminiscent of when I realised I could buy After Eights at any time of year and they didn't have to be locked away in the "Christmas cupboard". Dizzyingly freeing.
Rose Ruane@regretteruane.bsky.social · last mo.Bought myself a big Toblerone & I feel like I’ve broken an unspoken law of the universe, as if nothing is sacred & there are no rules in the world. They are a present, a thing people bring you back from holiday: one does not just buy a big Toblerone, the same as one does not simply walk into Mordor
Message received off one of the nursery mums just now - "hope you're enjoying the summer holidays!" Me, reading said message -
Thought I'd lost them, but pleased to report I've located my binoculars for tomorrow's eclipse ☀️
AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHANO
When you bump into an ex and they don’t look that great, and it makes you feel a lot better about yourself. One of my exes is currently experiencing that.
I'm constantly strapped in on account of my raging cortisol levels 💅🏼
When you've defeated the cone they put you in the Hannibal Lector
Meta are sending Fucko the Knife Robot to stab you in the knee. To disable go to Accounts> Settings> Robots> Knife Robots> Fucko> Opt Out
Today marks the anniversary of Crotch Goblin 1.0's immersive stage production of 'Turd on the bed'. I can continue to share this as he's 9 and still of the age where this kind of thing is still wickedly funny to him.
“Yeah Ma, I’m not loving the carpentry thing but I’m kinda killing it as an influencer…. A shirt? Yeah of course I’m wearing a shirt.”
