Got off the plane in Europe and bluesky asked me for age verification, thought it was that bullshit from england went continent-wide but actually the app thought I was in Texas

ok i go on airplane

wake up babe garfield hair bonnet dropped

*running into the house chamber wearing a suicide vest with my thumb on the button* “Victory for the common man and the-“ Ted Cruz and John Fetterman sniff the air and realize the vest bombs are all actually hot dogs, they tackle me and devour my entire body leaving nothing but bones

The GOP is gonna kick out Mike Johnson and make this guy the speaker instead

Jonathan Cohn @jonathancohn.bsky.social · yesterday

This story just keeps getting worse…. www.politico.com/live-updates...

We need fewer stepdads and more steppe dads

Scott “bell beaker” Cave@hellabarnes.bsky.social · 2d ago

steppe pastoralist bf settled agriculturalist gf

Him: "That's what she said" Narrator: "She never said that"

I don’t usually spend much time planning my outfits for vacation but I am trying to make sure none of my tshirts will get me arrested by the tsa

Tired: I see London I see France I can see your underpants Wired: I see London I see Arabia I can see your labia Inspired: I see London I see the Great Barrier Reef I can see a great big blast of air when you queef

Experts aren't always right. That's why I put my faith in morons who are never right

My farts be inhumane. Smells like a sausage with a balloon for a casing that got injected with mouthwash

Guy who has “mustache rides: market price” tattooed on his forehead

Smams@smams.bsky.social · 3d ago

Guy who has "expensive moustache rides" tattooed on his forehead

I’m sick of having to hear this guy’s opinion about anything. Literally any Democrat would have won in 1992, but he got treated like a genius anyway and his clintonist dipshit politics have fucked us over for three and a half decades

Donie O’Sullivan@donie.bsky.social · 3d ago

"I am not going to be in the same party with Hasan Piker ... if he becomes a force in the Democratic Party, I am out of here," James Carville says on Fox this morning. Reminder: The Left Insurgency airs tonight on CNN at 8p ET.

I pooped a question mark this morning. It is bound to be a mysterious day

fixed

Retro Commercial Screens@retro-commercials.bsky.social · 4d ago

THE LORAX: i am the lorax, i speak for the trees BLUESKY REPLY GUY: twenty million animals died last year and you dont speak for them??

🤠

@uggcaveman.bsky.social hey man have you seen this

ai guys have lifeless eyes, black eyes like a doll's eyes. when he comes at you he don't seem to be living until he swallows all the capex

Jenny Cohn@jennycohn.bsky.social · 4w ago

😳 Jacob Helberg—who left his position as an advisor at *Palantir* to join the Trump State Dept—spearheads the international “Pax Silica” initiative. In May, he discussed it w/ Palantir co-founder Joe Lonsdale: “Jacob Helberg on Pax Silica & the New Global Order in the AI Age” 1/

its friday its five lets party wooo party

Partytown

YouTube video by Glenn Frey - Topic

m.youtube.com

she lies and says she's in love with him can't find a better man

It’s happening once again

Jimmy Two Hands (summerjimbo era)@jimmytwohands.bsky.social · last yr.

Telling my younger coworkers about going to lollapalooza in the 90s and you didn’t have to go to chicago because it came to morganville, which is what they called shelbyville in those days

When Mr Burns said it was impossible for all his ringers to suffer accidents before this big game, it shows he really knows nothing about baseball

Amanda Mull@amandamull.bsky.social · 5d ago

MLB players are the thoroughbred horses of the human world in that if you take your eye off them for a second they will get loose and find some completely novel Looney Tunes way to suffer a catastrophic injury

A pathetic act of cowardice they way @amnesty.org immediately capitulated to that fascist pig creep. Their reputation might be completely destroyed after this, I certainly can’t trust them anymore

Lee Hurley@hleehurley.com · 5d ago

Amnesty have issued an apology to JK Rowling and the rest. Adjust your expectations, and donations, accordingly www.amnesty.org.uk/latest/an-ap...

Very upset to learn pollymarket won’t let me bet on if Stevens will invent a new slur or resurrect one not used since the 1700’s before this ends.

Poll Tracker 📊@polltracker.bsky.social · 6d ago

Michigan Senate primary (Emerson) Abdul El-Sayed 54% Haley Stevens 39% emersoncollegepolling.com

That brief period after mcmorrow dropped out and it showed stevens in the lead, i wonder if it was a few off points in the polls or if it was real lead that evaporated after people heard her talk

the abbot of unreason (an archaeologist)@merovingians.bsky.social · 6d ago

Don't stop, she's already dead, but it's funnier this way.