I contain multiturds

MJ: Peter shoot your ropes! SPIDER-MAN: Stop calling them that.

Trade Shows: home of dad’s lawn mowing t-shirt.

My whole TikTok feed is like “Watch this 42 year old candy maker react to tasting chocolate for the first time”.

2 World 2 War

Don't talk to me or my son ever again

There's no way Bryan Johnson could possibly get any creepier than he already- hang on, I'm getting a note

guys I’m with you fuck ai but is it cool if I use just a little to do some health insurance fraud

If I send you this know that I’m trying to ruin the next 3 hours

guys I’m with you fuck ai but is it cool if I use just a little to do some health insurance fraud

In south jersey they call it pork roll farms.

||: M. C. Escher falling down the stairs :||

Rumors of me googling “is any of The Odyssey based on historical fact?” are greatly exaggerated.

Gave my dog a big smooch when I got home from the movies today.

Gave my dog a big smooch when I got home from the movies today.

avoid peer pressure by eliminating all of your peers

I enjoyed The Odyssey (2026) but I have one historical nitpick. The phrase “Jiminy Christmas” is a minced oath for “Jesus Christ”. As the story is set around 1200 B.C. it is unlikely that Odysseus would have said the phrase even once, let alone the dozens of times he says it in the film

You’ll survive but you’ll be funnier in ways that worries people

how many lbs are people losing from the lettuce I'm trying to see something

inside you there are two parasites

Thinking about the time I bought my young kid refurbished Beats and they came with the device name “wifesnatcher”.

Remember, your Dasher is as afraid of you as you are of them.

To beat the diarrhea-causing parasite you need to 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘬 like the diarrhea-causing parasite.

infected lettuce entering my body to cause explosive diarrhea

To beat the diarrhea-causing parasite you need to 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘬 like the diarrhea-causing parasite.

Remember, your Dasher is as afraid of you as you are of them.

I have so much to offer this world but I am so far behind on my shows.

asking Claude how to build a Dyson Sphere around this hot ball of rage

They should make a box that you can think inside of

This is the part in the movie of my life where I cut and dye my hair in a gas station sink.