allyson

@shmallyson.bsky.social

(she/her)

Ninja turtles prequel where they’re just turtles. No kung fu. None of them can talk. They’re just animals. 16 episodes. 5 season arc. Apple TV. $700 million dollar budget. Make it happen.

the way she slime in my pool got me reflecting 👤𝗥𝗲𝗮𝗱𝗲𝗿𝘀 𝗔𝗱𝗱𝗲𝗱 𝗖𝗼𝗻𝘁𝗲𝘅𝘁 Thirty seconds after this post became public, the United States Federal Government issued a warrant for Ms. Zeller's arrest. She is currently being held in federal custody and awaiting trial. Her book deal has been withdrawn.

I know this is getting a lot of press lately so I'd like to just jump in and promote myself a little bit: I am a Vaginal Microbiome Professional, and I do those viral pussy microbiome reports. Come get yours with me today!!! Yes it's at my house, it's called "having your own practice" lol

Unfortunately, right now the only Method™ I have found that helps me feel that Joie De Vivre is to sm*ke w**d as early as possible in the day. Won't comment on the additional benefits such as the big FUCK YOU I'm giving to productivity culture (i.e., ain't been getting much done on my end, etc.)