If the person you’re dating got decent enough A-level results today to go off to university, enjoy the rest of your summer together – you’ll be dumped by Christmas. x

I saw that major eclipse in 1999 and honestly it was such a subpar experience that I’ve struggled to give a twopenny fuck about eclipses ever since.

Ppl often ask what ‘British food’ is and I would say think about the best Thanksgiving meal you’ve ever had and imagine you have it every Sunday and that’s what it is. It isn’t ‘beans’ or whatever. The mums have been studying how to get their kids home from uni every week w/ potatoes fried in drugs

The Glorious Dead is out now in paperback and this is one of my favourite lines from it.

He was very well-behaved and made friends with several dogs, so it shows what I know.

Justin Myers@theguyliner.bsky.social · 5d ago

We are going to a local dog-owners meet up in the area we’ve just moved to and I’m sure my dog who was up barking hysterically at shadows at 03:45 this morning is going to do just fine.

We are going to a local dog-owners meet up in the area we’ve just moved to and I’m sure my dog who was up barking hysterically at shadows at 03:45 this morning is going to do just fine.

A tie between ‘Is it possible you have AIDS?’ and ‘Please don’t tell anyone I said that, I might get struck off.’ (Different doctors.)

Heather Hill@rollin-academic.bsky.social · last wk.

A question from Reddit that I'll answer here: "What's the most unhinged thing a doctor has said to you with a straight face?"

In a world where so many people are absolutely awful, live your life so you earn an obituary like this one.

Toby Hadoke@tobyhadoke.bsky.social · last wk.

Jimmy Cricket Guardian obituary by me: www.theguardian.com/culture/2026...

I see Jonathan and Jennifer Hart have opened a shop together

when i was diagnosed age 10 we went through ALL SORTS of things that were said to "help with ADD" - weird little exercises meant to light up parts of the brain which left me with knee problems, omega 3 oils in my orange juice for breakfast, limiting foods with E numbers, not allowing me any sugar...

Scott Bryan@scottygb.bsky.social · 2w ago

“While traits of ADHD undeniably exist – the question is why they exist. Is ADHD actually a neurodevelopmental disorder? Do people with ADHD have differently wired brains? Or does our world – with…processed food, and regimented education – serve as the catalyst for certain…patterns of behaviour?”

I think I’m the only person in Ikea not having an argument. (I’m alone.)

Miriam Margolyes, but as the Cadbury’s Caramel bunny.

Nanoraptor@nanoraptor.danamania.com · 3w ago

You suddenly get a narrator describing your life and there’s no way to turn it off - everyone can hear it. While shopping, at work, at home, with friends - the voice narrating your every move goes on. Who do you hope is the voice of this narrator?

Before I move out of this house today I should be allowed to peek into each of my neighbours’ houses to see if they have nicer bathrooms than us.

Moving house tomorrow, against my will, for the second time in a year. I have never before looked or felt as vivacious, optimistic and cheerful as I do today.

Meta are sending Fucko the Knife Robot to stab you in the knee. To disable go to Accounts> Settings> Robots> Knife Robots> Fucko> Opt Out

In the latest Guardian Blind Date: oh. Oh no. Don't do that. Nor that. Oh. My review:

Hugh and Edie

Oh wow I didn’t even realise Olivia Colman and Penfold from Dangermouse were single. But here they are. Sorry, kidding. Hugh is 55, a teacher and musician, and has a part-time job opening sup…

theguyliner.com

In the latest Guardian Blind Date: oh. Oh no. Don't do that. Nor that. Oh. My review:

Hugh and Edie

Oh wow I didn’t even realise Olivia Colman and Penfold from Dangermouse were single. But here they are. Sorry, kidding. Hugh is 55, a teacher and musician, and has a part-time job opening sup…

theguyliner.com

Sadly I’m away but I may well write up a review of the latest Guardian Blind Date tomorrow because oh no.

Seven years ago today my world fell apart when my best friend died. I wrote about the rituals I perform on this day and whether they’re doing anybody any good.

The truth about remembering

Forgetting, the ultimate betrayal.

theguyliner.substack.com

On my own, I eat like Macaulay Culkin in Home Alone or an old man whose wife has just died

Anon Opin@anonopin.bsky.social · 4w ago

A woman on her own will still cook herself a healthy, delicious dinner every day. A man on his own will alternate his dinners between toast, cereal and a Pot Noodle.

Just took the dog out for a walk with his bow tie on and some twat on a bike clocked us and called "alright girls?" after us. Seriously? "Alright girls?" Is that the best you've fucking got? Straight men really need to up their homophobia game, that is pathetic.

Paul@rudemrlang.com · last mo.

IMPORTANT UPDATE: we got the dog a bow tie to wear for his birthday.

Actual WhatsApp exchange between my kids’ father (whose entire personality is based on football) and our gay (hates football and always has) son

I’ve been doing these for 12 years!

Justin Myers@theguyliner.bsky.social · last mo.

In today's Guardian Blind Date, shoplifting, steak sharing, and Schrödinger's Snog. In short: a delight. My review:

This week on my Substack, I’m declaring war on orderly lines in pubs, celebrating pop music excellence and planning birthday celebrations for my dog, who is 5 today! open.substack.com/pub/boringol...

In today's Guardian Blind Date, shoplifting, steak sharing, and Schrödinger's Snog. In short: a delight. My review:

Suli and Abigo

This has been what you might call A Week, hasn’t it? Let’s not even go into it, let’s padlock it in the shed, wipe off the workings-out on the whiteboard, Febreze the f•ck out of …

theguyliner.com

There will be a Guardian Blind Date review today. impeccable.theguyliner.com

This is a great summer read on a train, or in front of a fan, type novel. I got mine from an indie bookseller too @biggreenbooks.bsky.social . Buy some queer indie books people!

Justin Myers@theguyliner.bsky.social · last mo.

If you would like a signed and personally dedicated paperback copy of THE GLORIOUS DEAD (out 23 July) you can preorder one to be sent you by the amazing @welbooks.bsky.social here! www.welbooks.co.uk/shop/p/the-g...

If you would like a signed and personally dedicated paperback copy of THE GLORIOUS DEAD (out 23 July) you can preorder one to be sent you by the amazing @welbooks.bsky.social here! www.welbooks.co.uk/shop/p/the-g...

The Glorious Dead by Justin Myers (Signed) — West End Lane Books

Signed and Dedicated Pre-Order Paperback Published 23rd July Laurie Blount, enfant terrible of the West End, the voice of a generation, a shining star. Also: dead. Very, very dead. Kille...

welbooks.co.uk

Does anyone know where I might get a birthday cake for my dog? (I don’t care if you think this makes me sound insane.)

Horrible new bullshit from the sea every time. It’s never ‘oh we found a new pink fish that is so happy’ it’s always stuff like this, the crush-depth screw-headed dongwongler, and it’s got to have big long creepy bits. Sick of the ocean tbh.