The man with artificial hair, teeth, doctor’s reports, lifts in his shoes, scalp reduction surgery, a girdle, and a painted orange face claims we’re his enemy if we use the word “artificial.”
M.K. Iodine
@6-string-theory.bsky.social
Guitarist, photo-funny maker, lover of humor, follower of real journalists. Unless expressly stated, I do not own the rights to any of the images I've so cruelly defiled under the aegis of "Fair Use."
#FumettiFriday #MonthOfMonsters Say what you want about Hammer Films, they never let a chance for product placement go by.
![[A tense scene in burial vault, as a man prepares to pound a wooden stake into the well-upholstered chestal area of a female vampire.]
Man: Diedre, I know it's a well-worn cliché, but I want you to know this hurts me more than it hurts you ... and since this is a Hammer film, I shall ruminate for an extra minute or two while the camera lingers on your impressive decollétage.
Diedre: Don't do me any favors, you randy little tosser. A stake through me 'eart beats 'avin' to listen to your *pathetic* whinging.](https://cdn.bsky.app/img/feed_thumbnail/plain/did:plc:buke6ob4tlr7yxhplfp436kc/bafkreiaejr2s4p3eiliftucrrqdvro62zoupxuxs3rdhysm2xvz3gpxtuy)
Sorry I'm late; I was filling the local Little Free Libraries with copies of the Necronomicon
![[Black and white image of Dracula and Frankenstein's creature. They are in a cavernous room made of crude stone, and the lighting is harsh ... but this isn't an issue of House Beautiful anyway. Dracula has his hand on the creature's massive chest, as if to say, "Let me me handle it this time."]
Dracula: No, let me me handle it this time. The sign quite clearly says "No Soliciting."
Frankenstein's Creature: But they're not selling anything. They're Jehovah's Witnesses.
Dracula: In that case, they can "witness" me telling them to *piss off!*](https://cdn.bsky.app/img/feed_thumbnail/plain/did:plc:buke6ob4tlr7yxhplfp436kc/bafkreiafytrxbuuszj5la5vexmluijiy3lo2fjidsypy7gdjyncuvv4e7e)
getting my kicks at home because gas is too expensive to be driving the 2,448 miles of route 66
Grey sweatpants season has officially arrived. Be mindful of your blood pressure and pulse as you scroll your feeds, those of you with an interest in that type of thing.
Me: I’d like a slice of pizza Server: that comes with three sides Me: I know what shape it is
![[Frankenstein's creature and an attractive brunette converse furtively in a darkened hallway.]
AB: Ssh, we can't make a sound. My mom's asleep in the upstairs bedroom.
FC: Well, if this is a bad time, I could meet you tomorrow.
AB: No can do. I got a big presentation at 10 a.m., and then I'm off to our branch in Dubai.
FC: Uh-huh. Maybe someday you'll explain to me why a big deal, jet-setting executive still lives with her mom ...](https://cdn.bsky.app/img/feed_thumbnail/plain/did:plc:buke6ob4tlr7yxhplfp436kc/bafkreif6332xey6y6rkcpagbkndq5vjsd5ngm2nhmxrjso7d6oxhs7pwdu)
![[Dr. Frankenstein --he of the impressive profile-- and his creation share a glass of wine in the creature's cell. Between them is a table with two candlesticks and a pile of human bones, including a skull.]
Dr. F: It's an amusing gewürztraminer the locals make, but it grows on you ...
Creature: Mm-hm, mm-hm ... lots of floral accents on the no-- *uh,* I mean, it's got a nicely nuanced bouquet.
Dr. F: That's right, go on, mock an old man's proboscis. You weren't the first, and you probably won't be the last.](https://cdn.bsky.app/img/feed_thumbnail/plain/did:plc:buke6ob4tlr7yxhplfp436kc/bafkreifpsjkrblnoeyp72qlnx36frvnhygmeh4aoow4sasz5s4wr5nmciq)
I’m sick and tired of people who continue to make excuses for this crazy man’s words and actions and behavior. And the press? Where are they? This is absolute and total insanity. Call it that.
Dave Itzkoff@ditzkoff.bsky.social · 5d agoOh brother.
![[The Wolf Man (AKA Lawrence Talbot) is knocking on the bathroom door while looking over his shoulder.]
Wolf Man: Honey? You've been in there for kind of a long time ... I don't know if you noticed, but I've had three beers this evening, and this *is* our only bathroom.
Mrs. Talbot: So use the damned fire hydrant again, Mr. "Poor-Me-I-Got-the-Lycanthropy."
Wolf Man: Yeah, no can do ... the streetlight's come on, and the Gundersons are sitting out on their front porch.](https://cdn.bsky.app/img/feed_thumbnail/plain/did:plc:buke6ob4tlr7yxhplfp436kc/bafkreiedxds4dwomfc4ndoiin6smwbdi7hld4lh7uuex2znjazqhmyf2rm)
![[Black and white image of a man and a woman, both fashionably dressed, with their backs to a stone wall; the man holds a pistol in his hand. Some sort of gigantic man-beast casts a shadow over them and the wall.]
Woman: It's a good job you brought that *cute* little handgun to a whacking great monster fight.
Man: Oh, you're blaming me? Who had the *brilliant* idea of avoiding detection by wearing *white* evening wear?
Woman: Get a grip. No one's going to pay to see a movie called "The Island of Dr. Moreau's Unfashionable Victims."
Well, don't just stand there, Einstein. Go on, plink away. Maybe you can get him to be murderous *and* enraged.](https://cdn.bsky.app/img/feed_thumbnail/plain/did:plc:buke6ob4tlr7yxhplfp436kc/bafkreifyldc75txbs2rcf6z52rawmast2ud56i5c633keoe2gzwdp6iauy)
I'm a big fan of lurking, looming, scurrying, scrambling, skulking, skittering, scrabbling and clambering, but at the end of the day nothing beats a good scamper
![[Black & white image of two men in a hallway; one is speaking on a public telephone as his comrade looks on.]
Gerald [on phone]: Hello, Frieda? It's me Gerald. No, I'm out on parole. Listen, what about getting the gang together for one last job? You're a what? A hedge fund manager? Well, when did *that* happen? Wow ... So that's a "no" to the whole life-of-crime thingie? All right. But could I still see you?
Other guy: Ask if she's got a friend for me.
Gerald: Oh, and d'you remember my old pal, "Dateless" Duane?](https://cdn.bsky.app/img/feed_thumbnail/plain/did:plc:buke6ob4tlr7yxhplfp436kc/bafkreid7t3apdvgm534gypbzwgozelugotfaohpzec7xh6b4ar5otjfgdy)
“Trump’s going to veto everything, why even vote.” Because if you want this entire administration impeached we need the House and Senate. That’s why you vote.
It’s like my mom always said, what the fuck is wrong with you
![[Black and white image of three people in the back room of a German beerhall. One, an *apparent* blonde female, wears a dirndl and a pensive expression. Behind them, standing rather too close, a mustachioed older man is fastening on a necklace. And finally, on the right, a scowling fellow in a sort of military tunic. There is a cake with candles in the foreground. The plot, like lumpy gravy, thickens ...]
Blonde Person: Say, you're not gonna try havin' me jump outta that cake, are you? 'Cause I'm hyperglycemic.
Mustachioed Man: Fear not, *liebchen,* all you have to do is dance a bit, sing a few songs ...
Scowling guy: Give it up, Ernst. No one's going to believe *he's* the fan dancer.
Mustachioed Man: *Ach,* ye of little faith! With some strategic upholstery, he will be most convincing. I'll just add this finishing touch ... There! *Ausgezeichnet!*
Now let us get busy! That dirndl has to be back by six!](https://cdn.bsky.app/img/feed_thumbnail/plain/did:plc:buke6ob4tlr7yxhplfp436kc/bafkreibknvhzbum3vll3l4j5fl6mbtjw7egjz5r3yaihriw7hp3bq74ebm)
New version of the Aristocrats: "There's a group of insane millenarians based on the belief that the machine god will destroy humanity and therefore they have to build it but *just right*, but otherwise blow up data centers, etc., etc. ..." "What do you call your act?" "The Rationalists!"
![[Black and white image of an attractive woman reading a newpaper at a news-stand, while two men, one young, one older, look on. Of course they are, it's Ida Lupino, for crying out loud.]
Older news-stand proprietor: Lady, every day you come in here, scan the headlines and put the paper back. I can't make a living running no library!
Woman: Well, if you must know, I'm looking for an obituary.
Younger news-stand proprietor: See, for that, you'd have to buy the whole newspaper. Obits are always in the back section.
Woman: Not the one *I'm* looking for.](https://cdn.bsky.app/img/feed_thumbnail/plain/did:plc:buke6ob4tlr7yxhplfp436kc/bafkreicba7pdxqf4vvkjcnjtocf3i5jp5445q2o7hv36zzyqntn5zp66gq)
Political lawn signs are popping up all over town; as usual, the Republicans seem to have locked up the "absentee owners of weed-choked vacant lots" vote.
Mitch McConnell "speaking to reporters" lol
Cartoon Frog with Top Hat Walking
ALT: Cartoon Frog with Top Hat Walking
static.klipy.com
If I didn't tip nearly-empty chip bags into my mouth every so often, I'd never notice all the cobwebs festooned between the light fixture & cupboards. So from now on, I'll be using a spoon.
