before carpentry, we knew Jesus from his tap dancing days

Bee babies should be called beebee’s.

there I was eating the spring roll, and that's when I realized- oh no, the mint, is it like lettuce? is this going to kill me? did I make it through everything to die of this delicious bite? so anyway I dipped it in the peanut sauce and took another bite

teach a man to fish before you eat him, or you’ll be hungry again in an hour.

“Son of A Preacher Man” is a good soundtrack for life. Driving along a lonesome highway? Son of a preacher man. Eating a wheel of cheese? Son of a preacher man. Having sex with a guy named Billy Ray? Son of a motherfucking preacher man

give a man a fish and he'll probably eat it i don't know what else he would do it's one fish bro let it go

Do they know we only post on here because we don't like people? If we liked people we'd go out and meet some, ffs.

Bluesky@bsky.app · yesterday

Update: group chats can now host up to 100 members.

Stop. You had me at “Let’s leave before it gets crowded.”

You can tell a lot about a person by the way they dispose of a body.

give a man a fish and he’ll selfie with it for dating sites

My DMs are closed but I might be not interested in this too.

Bluesky@bsky.app · yesterday

Update: group chats can now host up to 100 members.

had a Bluesky dream, so this has been fun guys but

i have no idea what that means *like*

Lets play hide and not seek each other.

All I'm saying is there are no donut parasites

Drunk texts are the foundation of flattery

I have an appointment to get a badass tattoo this afternoon, but my stomach feels yucky because I am nervous—if you are into tough guys

reminder that your all your bedsheets are potential ghosts

i just boxed my own ear taking off my sports bra you know you wanna get with this

I had a joke about jokes, but the joke was that jokes are not really a joke to those who don’t appreciate jokes, but those who enjoy jokes and who are willing to take a joke like them; not all jokes work like jokes unless you understand said joke, but I digress [jumps in front of an oncoming train]

I never believed in hypnosis until the day I spent 6 hours semi-consciously scrolling in a kitten/puppy pic account.

*gets caught making stupid faces at baby* what? he started it

Seeing several of the moots on the Discover feed. Don't worry, your secret is safe.

Ovulating so hard that I’m giving a guy with a J name a chance

another day another drop in this river of despair that meanders on to lead nowhere

my account still has that new post smell

Drugs. Alcohol. Cult membership. We cope with the truth about Santa Claus in different ways.

riding it in a way that brings honor to my family

I’m here in case anyone needs to be cheered down

biting the limbs off my animal crackers (therapeutically)