I have a bit of an ego problem. I want people to know I know how to use a semicolon, this is very important to me.

The 2024 Headline of the Year Nominees 🧵

We conveniently forget the absolute stranglehold that Sons of Anarchy had on the working class poor for like 6-7 years there. You had bootleg shirts at the flea market that said shit like "SOA Delaware", people were naming their kid Jax.

Yo-Yo Ma is a fucking cellist?

Many thanks to the US Military 🙏

everyone at the artisanal outdoor market would see that I pee sitting down, but it would be worth it

Gian D’Oh@giandoh.bsky.social · 2y ago

“Don’t pass kidney stones in glass outhouses.”

Hey, shoot me an email. Stab me a powerpoint. Drown me a PDF

I'm pretty sure the main reason he keeps calling Canada the 51st state is because in 2017 Trudeau braced himself against the weird power handshake move and he's never let it go

ceej@ceej.online · 2y ago

Trump is fatally thin-skinned and will always do the exact thing you expect him to do when you push his very obvious and well-established buttons, which is to say he will absolutely ice Elon out if “President Elon” becomes the story

the existence of cold case files implies the existence of very steamy hot case files

If this is true then tell me why my parents wrapped our presents this way when I was a kid.

Reverie@augustreverie.bsky.social · 2y ago

Tempted to wrap gifts in newspaper like it’s the Great Depression to really round out the vibe.

you could make $100,000,000,000,000 if you could figure out how to get Kitchen Water to come out of the bathroom faucet instead of Bathroom Water

Managed to get myself into a reverse Good Will Hunting situation at work where I secretly clean our office because I'm much better at it than the janitor is.

Maybe he left himself get caught so he could break his brother out of prison

all cops arrest bushes

Gonzomancer@samthielman.com · 2y ago

lmao this is tragic

I made a video about this in a Buddy Holly song a few years ago. My sincere apologies for the end.

Jason K Pargin, author@jasonkpargin.bsky.social · 2y ago

The "most replayed" graph on youtube videos is the most fun feature nobody ever talks about. Like "that's weird, why does this random performance from the 2004 Rock & Roll Hall of Fame suddenly spike half way through when the song starts immediately www.youtube.com/watch?v=6SFN...

Imagine you're trying to make an honest living, and your brother gives you a job at his bar because you don't have the lobes for business, and you drag your kid out to this?

Mary Gillis@marygillis.bsky.social · 2y ago

Every parent* who brought their kid aboard the Enterprise D is guilty of child abuse. THEY ALL TURNED INTO APES & SPIDERS & FROGS! SOME OF THEM ATE EACH OTHER! *except Beverly Crusher, her kid is a demigod, she could've (and should've) thrown him into a black hole and he'd've probably been fine

hawk tuah girl is the modern Icarus

It* was very sick.

Ed Zitron@edzitron.com · 2y ago

Hey, sorry I was late. I got in the Crazy Taxi again. It took a really long route and he drifted through a mall while blasting the same Offspring song. I was very sick

Everyone's talking about Canada becoming the 51st state because of a "source" at fox news. Nobody is talking about how China just banned the sale of rare earth metals gallium, germanium and antimony to the US. This brexit ass bitch is gonna tank the global economy faster than you can say casino.

just finished reading wikipedia i am now an expert on south korean politics

Hank Green being denied for a line of credit is the most relatable he's ever been.

Hank Green@hankgreen.bsky.social · 2y ago

Update, the line of credit was denied literally because we donate our profit to charity so the bank thinks we won’t be motivated to be financially stable 🫠

Massive away win for the little fella.

It's not just that I don't like Elon, it's that I'm actively rooting for twitter to fail ✨

Michael Kruse@michaelkruse.bsky.social · 2y ago

“Leaving X because you don’t like Elon is the kind of purity politics that landed Democrats in this mess to begin with.”

It’s important to pace yourselves tomorrow. I made this handy guide to help👇

Why are the straps on Haliburton's mask so long, like they're mandibles #nba

This is a very fun rabbit hole. wiby.me

gita “the formalist” jackson@xoxogossipgita.bsky.social · 2y ago

the internet sucks in part because no one makes their own personal websites anymore aftermath.site/website-musk...

The other side of the coin to so many shows having aired & died unnoticed is that there's just so many more shows than there used to be. The number of scripted television shows released annually has effectively tripled since 2009.

It's very funny that there's seemingly one man in charge of handing out verified badges to a platform that has rapidly ballooned to over 23 million users. This is probably contributing to the small town wholesome vibes.

Hunter Walker@hunterw.bsky.social · 2y ago

If you want to get Officially Verified, do not send a reply now! My feed is very crowded. I will miss it. If you know how to reach me or DM do that. I will be going through those. If not, wait until I post that I am taking new requests, I will ask for and go through replies in that thread.

Show me a picture on your phone that has your energy that isn't a selfie.

Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez@aoc.bsky.social · 2y ago

Show me a picture on your phone that has your energy that isn’t a selfie.