Jeyzoos. Bono looks like he'd dig in his purse for 20p for you and send you home with a Lidl choc ice.
Customer complaining about the cost of a repair I’m doing and be moaning the fact that he’s got to sell the (30yrs Nth London) house because he can’t afford the upkeep on it anymore. I ask where he’s moving to? “We have another house in Norfolk so probably there.” #TheStruggleIsReal
You're not having a good time at a festival until you're singing the song from the Pepto Bismol advert are you
*TikTok "we are Charlie Kirk" tune* We are Rod LiddEEEELL We carry the flame He thought children were sexy And he beat up his dame
Sadly, there will be no ‘more’. We are heartbroken at TPTV to hear that we have lost another dear friend of the channel, Jimmy Cricket. A very lovely and funny man who kept audiences in stiches when he appeared on stage at our festivals. A true comedy legend. Thanks for all the laughs Jimmy.
I’ll bet he gets quite a different response in my TL to the domestic abuser/paedo apologist death announced earlier.
STAR MAN@starmansuperpants.bsky.social · 2d agoLoved him. RIP.
A Fitness app I use linked to my gym membership has introduced an AI feature where you tell it what you want to achieve and it builds you a routine. The first three machines it suggests aren’t available at this Jim (Jim ??– voice to text has also got much worse recently).
If you can't say anything nice, just chuckle along as everyone else puts the boot in.
When I was small, my father held a knife to my mom’s throat as I screamed and scratched at his legs. Later she made dinner, because refusing to do so would have been worse. That was a few days before we left in the night, her bleeding, me silent. It was the worst night of my life. And the best.
The Bulwark@thebulwark.com · 3d agoRep. Max Miller: "My former wife has claimed that during a custody exchange at my home that day, I assaulted her…If I had assaulted her, would she have offered to cook me dinner six days later?"
Customer “Could you do it privately” Hmmm. It’s a tough one. Should I risk my job and security to complete a job for someone I’ve literally just met in order to save him a few pounds because he assumes that getting someone to drive to your house on a Saturday and fit a part should cost about £25 🤔
Just done it - thank you - easy to do…. 1- change your X username, which frees up your actual user name 2- create a new account with your actual user name. 3- Go back to the changed account and delete it along with all the data associated with it!
"WE THE FUCKING JUDGE SON" New York, I love you. I love you so fucking much. Via wali_talks on IG
No one shits on my town. I've donated, via grumpycook.co.uk
Barbra Streisand in Hello Dolly Musical
Alt: Barbra Streisand in Hello Dolly - the 'Streisand Effect' is when an attempt to hide, remove, or censor information results in the unintended consequence of increasing public awareness of the information.
static.klipy.com
Gianni Infantino tonight.
Pardeep Cattry@pcattry.bsky.social · 6d agoNEW: Concacaf joins UEFA in rejecting FFE, instead imploring FIFA to find ways to increase funding for FIFA Forward through its current means and asking that "any matter follows the proper governance processes" in future full statement: www.concacaf.com/competitions...
Shocked and horrified by Allister Heath’s ludicrous and irresponsible column on climate change. It’s utterly insane, especially when I have just heard today’s news that his own brother, Dunwich, is literally on fire!
Been to the gym (always pronounced gime in my head) and there’s so many people who sit on a piece of equipment,do a set and then spend 5minutes checking their phone. They always seem annoyed when I ask if they’re nearly done.
I wonder if 6 Music have ever thought about just doing a 6Music Dads style streaming Service playing songs they remember from when they had hair and a 32” waist 
This fucker should be made to change his name to I AM A DANGER TO WOMEN Jack 🚩 Shepherd.
Unofficial BBCNews (UK) Bot@bbcnews-uk-rss.bsky.social · last wk.Speedboat killer Jack Shepherd admits violent attack on woman
Graeme Garden is going to talk about Bill Oddie on tonight's Front Row on radio 4 at 7.15pm. He's now the last surviving Goodie.
Wrote a quick song about how those meta glasses have ruined my whole look
Man in lobster suit hunted over Alexandra Palace darts attack
Man in lobster suit hunted over Alexandra Palace darts attack
Images are released of a man thought to have attacked another man at the World Darts Championship.
bbc.co.uk