harassed my high school bud with Jeb! on election day (he never replied smh)
Matthew Gertz@mattgertz.bsky.social · 2d agoTanned. Rested. Ready.
Matthew Gertz@mattgertz.bsky.social · 2d ago
55 SEATS 55 IMPEACHMENTS 55 SUPREME COURT JUSTICES 55 BURGERS 55 FRIES 55 TACOS 55 PIES 55 COKES
the transphobes aren't allowed to lib out tonight. they are being sealed in the sarcophagus with gavin newsom
kornacki the worlds biggest ipad kid with the worlds biggest ipad
[helen lovejoy voice] won’t somebody PLEASE match my freak?!?
the greatest regret of my life is that i have never received male honorifics at the bodega. they just don’t read me that way. and it’s emotionally devastating
i am obviously a big fan of I Think You Should Leave but unfortunately it has reached the Chapelle Show tier of "the most annoying guys you know are quoting it nonstop"
you are not allowed to say "peptides" at me unless you can describe to me what a peptides is
want to feel old? Delilah from Hey There Delilah has just retired and is now collecting social security benefits
“i wonder how many credit cards they let you have before they stop you” — me after one margarita at the cheesecake factory
let’s talk about how nathan cofnas looks like a failed attempt at cloning mark zuckerberg. let’s talk about THAT
just got a youtube ad for mike lawler and man does that guy ever sound like squidward
right now my life is way too kiki, i need it to get a bit more bouba ASAP
if we're doing jared leto again can we please finally get him this time
