Joel Veitch

@rathergood.bsky.social

Rathergood creator and Bad Dinosaur wrangler 🦖🦕 Crab of Ineffable Wisdom 🦀

Today marks 150 years since the Beefeeters at the Tower Of London abandoned their ancient uniform of shoes painstakingly stitched from the hides of thousands of bumble bees for leather boots. Bee cobbling is now a lost art and all the original bee feet have long decayed away.

Parenting tip! Several times a day, reassure your kids that they are genuine human children constructed using exactly the same natural biological processes as all the other human children they encounter.

Found this lovely fluffy chonker snuffling about in one of my crocuses just now. Spring is here! Wheeeeee! There are buds starting to crack on my fruit trees, it's all coming back to life THANK GOD!

Bild

Ah yes, back when the Web was still new and strange but was just beginning to take off in the popular consciousness. The Crab of Ineffable Wisdom, and the Spongmonkeys liked the Moon, and then they were in a national ad campaign and it felt like you were In On Something for having Known Them When. 😁

STEPKID: *begins laughing in incredulous horror* ME: *wearily* They were incredibly popular. They did an ad for Quiznos. STEPKID: If I saw that as a child I would be scarred for life. ME: I’m just saying that it doesn’t have to be good to be amazing.

Buy my new self-care product CALaMari - the big squid you wrap snuggly around your shoulders. Nothing takes your mind off the struggle to pay the bills like the soft embrace of powerful tentacles while a cruel beak gnaws pitilessly through your skull.

When we started putting hundreds of enraged squids in the cockpits of our airliners, people asked if it was really a good idea. However, there really is no other way. They are angry at the best of times and airliner cockpits always enrage them.

The first time I encountered the phrase "pre-loved" was in 1999 in Melbourne where the sex shop round the corner had a nauseating sign for "pre-loved magazines" - so your listing for a pre-loved luxury gucci handbag gives me a vision of you doing unspeakabke things to it, you perv.

Wife: why do you have 8 cubes filled with ink? Me: for eggs Wife: why are you only putting eggs in the eighth cube? Me: I am ink cube eighting them Wife: ok, I need to explain something to you...