Sexy starts with accepting your tentacle as a part of you.

We are the only internet that has age verification for perverts. If you are a pervert, we will remember your birthday every year and send you a fun little note.

(Dumping a big box of googly eyes onto the pizza before shoving it into the oven) My grandmother brought this recipe over from the old country

The most divisive question ever. Can you use a backscratcher during a work zoom meeting? I did it today and so far nothing bad has happened.

local market, the guy in front of me pulled a little nip bottle with the label "99 WATERMELONS" from a stand next to the register, to go along with his chips or whatever. I asked. "Hey man, is that stuff any good?" He said, "Nah, but," he shrugged. "You know how it goes." I nodded. An got one too.

Our testimony before congress didn’t go great. They hold us liable and asked us to assemble a crack team of commandos to go back in time and eliminate the haunted dolls that used our time-traveling rogue AI to place themselves throughout important moments in history. (Sorry for run-on sentence)

Can’t wait! Next week is Vole Week on Animal Planet!!!!!!!!

Language is exhausting. The fact that we have to translate our internal chaotic noise into coherent sentences just so other people can misinterpret them feels like a huge design flaw.

I've never had kids so I guess I've always had empty nest syndrome. I just wake up and push forward. Day to Day. Aren't we all.

We will be testifying before congress tomorrow about allegedly giving haunted dolls access to our rogue time traveling AI, which allowed haunted dolls to be seeded across history. Asking everyone to email congresspeople tonight and confirm you don’t fear haunted dolls.

Sequel to the Internet@sequel2internet.bsky.social · last wk.

Our Internet2 is absolutely the best place for haunted doll collectors…But as a safety precaution we are asking collectors not to leave their dolls alone in a room with a computer left on and our AI open. No special reason, just don’t do it anymore.

Hearing that Shark Week has already been renewed for another season. Good for them.

The devil’s greatest trick was convincing you he had your nose.

Imagine needing to pay your credit card bill with your cellphone, but you’re too far away from your satellite suitcase transponder to get a signal. Now with our Internet 2 cell phone you can be up to 30 ft away and get a clear signal. With the antenna extender add on.

taking swigs of glitter glue like it's a flask

We may not have gotten flying cars and personal jet packs, but I must say, transition sunglasses work twice as fast nowadays.

As an added service the Internet2 has developed our own smart phone…the Sequel Two! It’s designed to fold up conveniently to store behind your knee.

In my day, men got bare chested and cranked the Richard Marx on Friday nights. What has happened to this country??????

No cheese grits like 2 in the mornin cheese grits

Brb gotta hide my vast fortune behind a series of puzzles only a plucky teen detective and their pals could possibly solve

We may have mentioned that our time-traveling AI had been seized by possessed dolls and has been seeding the dolls throughout history. We have this photo as proof. By our research this photo originally had no dolls in it. You can see the changes the lil bastards have made to the timeline.

With LeBron looking for a quick way to travel from NYC to Philly, might be time for me to dust off my old monorail scam.

For someone who brings nail clippers to rest areas, sits on the picnic tables, and trims their toenails, you actually carry yourself with a great deal of grace and dignity.

A portion of every dollar we earn from the Sequel to the Internet goes to vision care for blind cave fish.

can’t rn, holding back the years

Jokes on you, some people find me refreshing. Like a squirt of lymon

Picked up my 25 year old coworker and Blink-182 was playing. She nodded in approval. I said, “It’s the 90s mix on Pandora.” I could’ve stopped there. I should’ve stopped there but instead I said with reflection, “Yeah. I was there when it all was happening.” She did not react to that bit of news.

Long story short, our own AI went rogue and has been traveling through time. At the same time, haunted doll collectors accidentally allowed their dolls access to the AI. So our AI is now seeding history with haunted dolls. And honestly, we blew this one.

Is there a patch for daily crippling shame? But still looks cool? With also teeth-whitening and birth control?

Imagine wanting a reminder to change your water filter in five years, and your computer hooked to the internet2 is able to remind you in 3 months to write a note on your fridge

gentlemen, what is going on with your eyebrows? are you hoping if you just let them go wild long enough you’ll eventually turn into a wizard?