The Needling
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Seattle's Only Real Fake News (Satire/Parody) Have a hot headline tip? Send it to Submit@TheNeedling.com TheNeedling.com
Use erectioncheatsheet.org Because voting in true progressive champions feels as good as the best sex you’ve ever had (Yes, it really does redirect properly lol)
Lefty Cheat Sheet — Aug 2026 Primary
A quick guide on how to vote lefty using sources YOU trust!
erectioncheatsheet.org
Lefty Cheat Sheet@electioncheatsheet.org · 3d ago⚠️OH FUCK DADDY😳😩⚠️SEATTLE IT’S TIME TO VOTE ⚠️BALLOTS ARE DUE AUGUST 4TH BY ATE 💅💅 PM😱GET YOUR BALLOT DEEP😘🍆INNNN A DR0P BOX🗳️ BUT ‼️⚠️🚨🚨STRANGER DANGER🚨😳DO NOT USE 🚩THE STRANGER’S GUIDE🤮🤢🤮 THEY WERE💸BOUGHT💸 BY A FOR-PROFIT PRIVATE MEDIA COMPANY 🙄👀 AND THEIR ENDORSEMENTS ARE 💩DOG SHIT💩
⚠️OH FUCK DADDY😳😩⚠️SEATTLE IT’S TIME TO VOTE ⚠️BALLOTS ARE DUE AUGUST 4TH BY ATE 💅💅 PM😱GET YOUR BALLOT DEEP😘🍆INNNN A DR0P BOX🗳️ BUT ‼️⚠️🚨🚨STRANGER DANGER🚨😳DO NOT USE 🚩THE STRANGER’S GUIDE🤮🤢🤮 THEY WERE💸BOUGHT💸 BY A FOR-PROFIT PRIVATE MEDIA COMPANY 🙄👀 AND THEIR ENDORSEMENTS ARE 💩DOG SHIT💩
Inexperienced Seattle Mayor Apologizes for Naively Assuming Police Knew How to Do Their Job: tinyurl.com/3dv6uy9m
“Why do you think we have to fly people in from 2,000 miles away to be police chief? SPD officers are obviously total dipshits—gah, get a freaking clue, Katie,” said Councilmember Bob Kettle.
The Needling@theneedling.com · 2d agoInexperienced Seattle Mayor Apologizes for Naively Assuming Police Knew How to Do Their Job: tinyurl.com/3dv6uy9m
I mean, WHOMST among us hasn’t made the same mistake at least once in our lives?
The Needling@theneedling.com · 2d agoInexperienced Seattle Mayor Apologizes for Naively Assuming Police Knew How to Do Their Job: tinyurl.com/3dv6uy9m
“Why do you think we have to fly people in from 2,000 miles away to be police chief? SPD officers are obviously total dipshits—gah, get a freaking clue, Katie,” said Councilmember Bob Kettle.
The Needling@theneedling.com · 2d agoInexperienced Seattle Mayor Apologizes for Naively Assuming Police Knew How to Do Their Job: tinyurl.com/3dv6uy9m
Inexperienced Seattle Mayor Apologizes for Naively Assuming Police Knew How to Do Their Job: tinyurl.com/3dv6uy9m
Just as a reminder the state Supreme Court said we couldn't recall Durkan for this: theneedling.com/2020/06/05/m...
Mayor Durkan Kicks Off Pride Month Festivities with Rainbow-Colored Tear Gas
Determined to reconcile with Capitol Hill—the center of Seattle’s LGBTQ community and this week’s Black Lives Matter protests against police brutality—Mayor Jenny Durkan kicked off the city’s Pride…
theneedling.com
Robert Cruickshank@robertcruickshank.com · 4d agoFormer Seattle City Attorney Ann Davison, who lost her reelection bid by 34 points last year, absurdly calls for a recall of Mayor Katie Wilson
As the aroma of burnt pepper and hot mustard choked out onlookers, the SPD knew they had their man.
The Needling@theneedling.com · 5d ago
Nobody is gonna believe without photographic evidence but I took a friend to Kerry Park the other day and found an open spot opposite the statue AND parallel parked in one try! BEHOLD!
The Needling@theneedling.com · 2y agoBlue Angels Circle Seattle 12 Times in Attempt to Find Parking: theneedling.com/2024/07/26/b...
Uncanny how The Needling printed all the quotes from a Westneat column 4 days before it ran. @lex.vaughn.theneedling.com is a witch.
The Needling@theneedling.com · 4d ago“Our officers have been working really hard waiting for her to track down all the leads and update us on them—we’ll update you when she updates us. We can’t really do anything ourselves until she figures this all out on her own.”
The new Seattle Police Chief ALSO has his full time residence out of state. His wife & kids live in Wisconsin.
The Needling@theneedling.com · 5d agoToday Mayor Katie Wilson announced she’s already fired Seattle’s next police chief after he somehow teargassed Capitol Hill, deleted public records, hired someone to have an affair on the job with, and threatened to fight a reporter all before 9 a.m.
“Our officers have been working really hard waiting for her to track down all the leads and update us on them—we’ll update you when she updates us. We can’t really do anything ourselves until she figures this all out on her own.”
The Needling@theneedling.com · last wk.SPD Wondering What’s Taking Mayor Katie Wilson So Long to Find Second Shooting Suspect: tinyurl.com/3jkm7ff2
Guys guys guys Wire S6 gonna be set in the emerald city, confirmed
Kash Patel better watch his ass. There's another gamer who's ready and available to run the FBI.
The Needling@theneedling.com · 5d agoToday Mayor Katie Wilson announced she’s already fired Seattle’s next police chief after he somehow teargassed Capitol Hill, deleted public records, hired someone to have an affair on the job with, and threatened to fight a reporter all before 9 a.m.
“Our officers have been working really hard waiting for her to track down all the leads and update us on them—we’ll update you when she updates us. We can’t really do anything ourselves until she figures this all out on her own.”
The Needling@theneedling.com · last wk.SPD Wondering What’s Taking Mayor Katie Wilson So Long to Find Second Shooting Suspect: tinyurl.com/3jkm7ff2
FYI: The Emerald City Comedy Club on Capitol Hill is currently advertising Adam Corolla shows with pro-ICE jokes on Instagram. Please boycott that place. Right in the heart of Seattle you really think you're gonna bring this sh? Ugh! @jseattle.bsky.social instagram.com/p/Dbf5b6XBvH...
Emerald City Comedy Club on Instagram: "Adam Carolla will keep you rolling with laughter August 7th-9th! Cover your tickets today!"
16 likes, 34 comments - emeraldcitycomedyclub on July 31, 2026: "Adam Carolla will keep you rolling with laughter August 7th-9th! Cover your tickets today!".
instagram.com
Our SPD chiefs thread 🧵 of shame
The Needling@theneedling.com · 5d agoToday Mayor Katie Wilson announced she’s already fired Seattle’s next police chief after he somehow teargassed Capitol Hill, deleted public records, hired someone to have an affair on the job with, and threatened to fight a reporter all before 9 a.m.
