Who cares if our salads are 1000 calories in the US? We're going to get diarrhea from them anyway.

Wait, is there a glut of FBI applicants that have raped by dolphins? How else are people forced into beastiality?! (Besides the obvious which I would assume would already be protected as any sexual assault.)

Middlerage@middlerage.bsky.social · 14h ago

WHAT? People who are forced into beastiality are a protected class, but teenage girls forced into sex are not to be believed.

She was rare, like a single guy sliding into her DMs.

In most lines of business regulated by government depts, you can't even give your friend a gift card on their birthday if they happen to be a coworker but please, go off on how generous the Russian oligarchs have been to your (allegedly already wealthy) family...

Nikki McCann Ramírez@nikkimcr.bsky.social · 2d ago

Bettina Trump, wife of Trump Jr., posts a lengthy Instagram caption responding to @propublica.org’s reporting that a Russian oligarch paid for over $170,000 of her wedding.

The end of the world guys are getting a tax break.

Alondra Nelson@alondra.bsky.social · 2d ago

“The tax incentives weren’t designed with AI in mind specifically…But it’s the tech industry that’s making the most of them, putting a major dent in corporate tax receipts.”

When they said the world is real I didn't believe it. When they said we're living in a simulation I said it's too real. But when they said it's all a crazy dream I was just waking up from a crazy dream, YOLO

PESSIMIST: the glass is half empty OPTIMIST: the glass is half full OPTIMUS: the glass transforms into a cool robot

Taking two traffic cones and doing a Madonna impression did not help my field sobriety test

If you've never heard of the Campbell Camels, you might enjoy that they are located in the town that Rhett & Link grew up in.

La Femme Fatali@toomanycommas.bsky.social · 3d ago

The Iowa football team running out holding hands is the kind of masculinity other men need to see more often.

Imagine if making babies required the woman to lay millions of eggs on the bed and the men just jerked off onto them while the woman stands there and claps excitedly Cashier: this is my weekend job; I don't actually need it.

The Iowa football team running out holding hands is the kind of masculinity other men need to see more often.

I live my life like everyone else: one delusion at a time

Have you ever wanted to vote for a shitposter? No? Well here is your chance anyway! Go to shitsky38.com and cast your votes for "best" shitposters on Bluesky. Vote for anyone, including yourself! There are no prizes and bragging rights are probably of minimal value at best. Let's fucking do this!

Steering out of our lane once again because I am a sucker for orange...and Uptown.

Maybe it makes me a bad mom but my 6th grader claps with glee when he likes an SNL sketch.

Hi y'all, anyone want to "go see" DJT speak? Make sure it's a "sell out" who.nucleuspages.com/events/presi...

Someone designed this "logo" and several other people nodded their heads and said "yes, that's it. Good job, this is gonna look so good on everyone's TV screen while they're observing a moment of silence."

All I need in a man is for him to raise my pulse but lower my blood pressure.

Me too bitch, you're not special.

You should mention your inability to form complete sentences in your dating profile.

Patriots owner Robert Kraft skated on solicitation charges while the masseuse he hired was fined $31,000. Patriots coach Mike Vrabel got caught w/ a reporter. She lost her job and has been roundly reviled and mocked. Mike's on national TV rn. This country hates women. Patriots indeed.

foldable pile of dog phones

Watching the tennis match and it got interrupted with "sad breaking news" and to tell y'all how I held my breath with so much hope and expectation, it made it doubly sad when they said it was Barry Melrose that died. RIP, Barry. Wish it was someone else...

Y'all a friend from HS had the Stanley Cup this week and her pictures are amazing. She did a side by side pic drop from 20 years ago to now and it's crazy how much time has passed.

Never say never...

Waited until the last possible day of summer but finally did a farmer's market dinner.

I'm in bed at 9pm on a holiday weekend and honestly I was looking forward to this all day.

What did you make for brunch?

No one has ever fucked in a Cybertruck.