Becoming a good consumer would fix me, that's what the system told me.

The character that I am performing today is someone who could somehow get through this work day.

I'm stuck somewhere between the future looks bright & life has passed me by.

IMO if social media had a smell, it would be the smell of stale beer and burnt popcorn.

give a man a fish and he’ll selfie with it for dating sites

I don’t ever plan on becoming a better person

Not to brag, but sometimes, if I start a movie before 5 PM, I can stay awake for the whole thing.

more like werther’s unoriginal

I’m glad I go to the same Bluesky as all of you guys.

I have an appointment to get a badass tattoo this afternoon, but my stomach feels yucky because I am nervous—if you are into tough guys

Start training the new guy today. He talks alot so I’ll do my best to not be annoyed.

I never fucking miss an opportunity to stealthily fucking ninja roll away from bullshit

Calling in disillusioned this morning

Writing an angrily worded letter to Court TV demanding to know where all the jesters are.

Some of you take this shit way too seriously.

My personality is nothing but cheese and pickles at this point.

They should make a self awareness that comes factory installed

watching the news to start fights on nextdoor, then leave. i’m not there to discuss politics.

the eagles: you can check out any time you like but you can never leave me: that’s not how hotels work

GIVE THE MAN A FISH AND MAKE HIM GO AWAY ALREADY I HAVE OTHER SHIT TO BE DOING RIGHT NOW.

Whenever someone is doing math in their head, I just squint and give a good thinking face, then agree with whatever answer they got.

100 members in a group chat? In this economy?

Bluesky@bsky.app · yesterday

Update: group chats can now host up to 100 members.

Good thing, I can find humor in everything and be easily entertained just sitting and watching absolute unhinged bullshit.

Bluesky is adult day care...act accordingly.

do try to keep focus

Developing a prediction market app for banger skeets.

I may not have hit any of the normal markers of adulthood (marriage, property, pets, children) but I have kept a comprehensive list of things I have fallen off of to date (starting with a cliff, ending with a curb), and I think that might be worth some sort of congratulations at least.

This day in history. 529. Feast day of Sithney, patron saint of mad dogs and the National Rifle Association.

I never believed in hypnosis until the day I spent 6 hours semi-consciously scrolling in a kitten/puppy pic account.