I had an idea for a really good post earlier, but I immediately forgot it. Trust me. -a memoir

We’re no longer the #3 most cited reason for divorce in the Midwest!

Sorry for yelling “Shagadelic, baby!” during your Mom’s funeral. And for wearing my Austin Powers costume

When I was a kid and something bad happened I thought the universe was out to get me. Now that I’m older I realize that it's completely indifferent to me

It’s so helpful for jokes that depend on context people might not have, like pop culture things. I’ve used it for that so many times.

Ian Coldwater 🧊🚫@lookitup.baby · 3h ago

Hi, I’m a sighted alt text user! Here are some reasons I use it: - Slow Internet on an airplane - I’m over 40, I have no idea who that celebrity is - Bluesky broke images again - My vision sucks and that text is too small to read otherwise - Conveys further context and authorial intent

🤝

User with this avatar just got blocked@avijustgotblocked.bsky.social · 3h ago

An account with this avatar was just blocked.

shoot your shot king

seems relevant

soooo many beautiful leaves outside. They aren't gonna rake themselves. And neither am I.

It says something about the state of the world that there is no Nobel Prize for best casino.

How many other casinos can boast having free HBO?

what I didn't share yesterday when I shared this photo was why this was particularly disturbing to me: in HS on a double date the other 3 locked me in a port-o-potty and tipped it over. Worst experience ever. Horrifying. I literally can't go in them now. I will piss my pants before I do.

🎃EM-SCREAM-KAYVEE 🔪@youremceekayvee.bsky.social · 4h ago

This post is at 69 likes

@diedrichbader.bsky.social you have 69.5K followers. Giggity.

apparently the Santa Fe national forest does this every year and I just found out about it

This post is at 69 likes

🎃EM-SCREAM-KAYVEE 🔪@youremceekayvee.bsky.social · yesterday

Um. Okay. I went for a walk this morning and there's this port-o-potty just sitting on the side of the highway.

I dread the inevitable day that aging Pepperidge Farms gets cognitive decline. Who the FUCK WILL REMEMBER?

If you're living your life vicariously through me, congratulations, you’ve shoved a cat into your bathrobe and are carrying him around like a baby.

🎃EM-SCREAM-KAYVEE 🔪@youremceekayvee.bsky.social · 19h ago

If you're living your life vicariously through me, congratulations, you get one more speeding ticket and you lose your license.

“Say no more” as less “I understand you,” and more literally “shut the fuck up.”

If you're living your life vicariously through me, congratulations, you just lost 30 pounds and learned how to make tortellini from scratch.

If you're living your life vicariously through me, ha ha, tricked ya. Now you're trapped 😈

🎃EM-SCREAM-KAYVEE 🔪@youremceekayvee.bsky.social · 19h ago

If you're living your life vicariously through me, congratulations, you get one more speeding ticket and you lose your license.

If you're living your life vicariously through me, congratulations, you need to visit the health department and start that first series of shots.

🎃EM-SCREAM-KAYVEE 🔪@youremceekayvee.bsky.social · 19h ago

If you're living your life vicariously through me, congratulations, you get one more speeding ticket and you lose your license.

This post is at 69 likes

🎃EM-SCREAM-KAYVEE 🔪@youremceekayvee.bsky.social · 19h ago

If you're living your life vicariously through me, congratulations, you get one more speeding ticket and you lose your license.

Praying mantits I’m awake guys

if you're living your life vicariously through me, congratulations, you need to get a fucking life

🎃EM-SCREAM-KAYVEE 🔪@youremceekayvee.bsky.social · 19h ago

If you're living your life vicariously through me, congratulations, you get one more speeding ticket and you lose your license.

roadhead, but it's just me decapitating him on our drive because of his loud chewing in the close quarters of a car

If you’re living your life vicariously through me, congratulations, after three hours of sleep, you’re wide awake again.

🎃EM-SCREAM-KAYVEE 🔪@youremceekayvee.bsky.social · 19h ago

If you're living your life vicariously through me, congratulations, you get one more speeding ticket and you lose your license.

No doubt 🙄

Hot singles in your area are looking for a host organism

Hi, folks. This is your captain speaking. Have you ever heard voices that told you to do something horrible