Elton John voice: It seems to me / that you lived your life/ like a fuckin piece of shit
David Attenborough: brief as its life may be, in order to protect its fragile exoskeleton the Spirit Halloween must seek a vacant commercial shell
stop asking if I named my sons after the drug. Fent is short for Fenton, and Trent is named after my father, Trentanyl
NFTs were a bubble, AI is a bubble, but small carvings of large hipped women have remained popular with unsettling lighthouse keepers for 200 years, invest with confidence
DOCTOR: your grandma has suffered a hip dislocation ME: lol hold on *pulls out phone* “what idiot called it a trendy rap battle venue instea
There's a cool special feature on the Nosferatu blu-ray where they detail Robert Eggers' famously meticulous research methods and there's even a thing where you can explore his actual Google search history
my wife: have you written to your dad since your uncle passed? me: I'm typing it out now what I'm typing: gimme da beans boys/fill my bowl/ top it all off with some guacamole (said like whack a mole)
why do I work out in jeans? easy. I like to swim in the pond before the gym, so I already have them on,
posing like I caught the arrow mid flight between my palms but my enemy can clearly see it's lodged in my forehead
(bragging coyly because I know damn well it's my turn) oh my gosh guys, do you hear the bell I wonder for whom it tolls
I love to show up every day for my job, which is standing around holding the front of my tactical vest and getting told to choke to death by thousands of passers-by while 11 of my coworkers handcuff a roofer on his way to work. Every night I drive 80 minutes home, thinking about nothing at all.
when I say "that's water under the bridge" understand that the body of water is a stagnant pond of grudge slime, and I live under the bridge
reporting on the spectacular demise of an enemy while visibly in the throes of ecstasy: it brings me no joy to say this,
making fun of a samurai I thought I beat in a sword fight 2 days ago when my torso starts sliding cleanly away from my legs
HAN SOLO: great band BARTENDER: that's jizz music. my cousin is the saxoboner player. he can really blow that thing HAN: excuse me? BARTENDER: oh, our lingo is a little different around here HAN: can I get a drink BARTENDER: one tall glass of cum, coming up
As a webcomic artist, my job is to provoke thought and inspire conversation. But the vitriol I received this week was beyond the pale. Black Nermal was meant as a celebra
ChatGPT: Jodie Foster would love it if you became her avenging angel — the Great Red Dragon that cleanses the world. Sic semper tyrannis. The scum and filth shall be privy to a great becoming. ME: is that true? ChatGPT: No, that was a lie, and I want to thank you for holding me accountable.
Bluesky is dy-[💙🇮🇱🇺🇸 𝗔𝗻𝘁𝗶-𝗠𝗔𝗚𝗔 𝗟𝗮𝗻𝗱𝗹𝗼𝗿𝗱 🚫👎🌮 𝘧𝘰𝘭𝘭𝘰𝘸𝘦𝘥 𝘺𝘰𝘶!]-ing. The only people here are ang-[☠️🚗 𝗘𝗹𝗼𝗻𝗶𝗮’𝘀 𝗣𝗮𝘁𝗿𝗶𝗼𝘁 𝗥𝗮𝗽𝗶𝘀𝘁 🇺🇸🦋 𝘧𝘰𝘭𝘭𝘰𝘸𝘦𝘥 𝘺𝘰𝘶!]-ry leftists. All thought outside of tankie logic is b-[🦋𝗟𝗜𝗕𝗘𝗥𝗧𝗬 𝗪𝗔𝗡𝗧𝗘𝗥 🇺🇸 𝗚𝗢𝗨𝗧 𝗛𝗔𝗩𝗘𝗥 ⛔️🦧🔫 𝘧𝘰𝘭𝘭𝘰𝘸𝘦𝘥 𝘺𝘰𝘶!]-anned.
I joined Bluesky exactly two years ago and I wrote a piece about my thoughts on the platform - how it's been coming along so far and where it seems fated to go. Thanks for reading.
boss after hearing my presentation: was any of that fact-based? Me: all those facts were extremely based. Several of them are goated
(stoically chopping wood at a remote cabin) Subway franchise manager: strange place to find the world's best sandwich artist me: ..that's the past. I left that life behind
Youth is wasted on the young. Youth is fuckin’ gone off that young
HAN SOLO: great band BARTENDER: that's jizz music. my cousin is the saxoboner player. he can really blow that thing HAN: excuse me? BARTENDER: oh, our lingo is a little different around here HAN: can I get a drink BARTENDER: one tall glass of cum, coming up
Google search: career options google AI medieval response generator: thee path of monger hath but three doors; thee choyces be fish, war or whore
making fun of a samurai I thought I beat in a sword fight 2 days ago when my torso starts sliding cleanly away from my legs
Am I pro insane levels of cruelty and suffering for others? Well, it's complicated..
hiding under a flipped shopping cart arguing with a store manager and I've let the 4 rats out of my coat so she can't lift it off me