I had 2 planners. 1 for school, 1 for work. Realized it might be simpler if I consolidated both into 1 shared planner. However, neither had all the features I wanted. Which is how it came to pass that my husband walked in on me muttering like a cold case detective with 3 open planners on the table.

Me: "It's time to start eating healthy." Lettuce: "I'm going to give you explosive diarrhea!" Chips and cookies in my pantry: "I would never do that to you."

America is now #1 in military spending, guns, and diarrhea

I recognize that I am powerless over the Panera cranberry walnut chicken salad sandwich, that my life has become unmanageable, that I have spent hours, perhaps days, in this drive thru, that I am unable to free myself.

oh so it's like rocket league but with people

loved ones so used to serious news I have to preface invites, “not pregnant, diagnosed or divorcing: do you want to get coffee this week?”

JOKER: Not so fast, Bat-JERK! My LAUGHBangs will leave you BLIND as a BAT! BLUESKY BATMAN: Oof. Many people suffer from reduced vision. Not funny. JOKER: It's like, it's a pun. It's just wordplay. BLUESKY BATMAN: Sorry if I'm not in the mood for "jokes" while SCOTUS shreds our constitutional rights

Roommate thinks I didn’t notice he ate my swedish meatballs, but I wasn’t björn yesterday

inside me are two wolves. one does not know how to install a television. one wants to play video games. the wolves, they are fighting.

I’m not a “bad gardener” I just have faith that the Lord will provide. These weeds are a faith statement. That wilted basil is a testament to trust.

I purchased a wacky inflatable tube man for a project and since taking receipt of the wacky inflatable tube man the wacky inflatable tube man company has accidentally shipped me a second wacky inflatable tube man. I just received a third shipping confirmation. I am concerned about this trajectory

China has developed a battery that is based on sea salt. Not lithium. It is now being used in Chinese vehicles. It’s more efficient, can hold 90% of its charge at -40c, provides a range of 500 kms, cheap to manufacture, and better for the environment. The US is being left in the dust.

bluesky has the juice. it's celery juice tho

Kelli Dianne Rule@kdiannerule.bsky.social · 3mo ago

Actually. Celery was so popular during the Victorian era that special vases were used to display the stalks on dining tables they were called celery vases i am so sorry i know this

Critics are calling my dogs creative decision to wrestle with a skunk the evening before a roadtrip “inspired” “hilarious” and “a really great way to break the ice with everyone you meet!”

I can’t with these meal kit subscriptions. there is enough turmoil in the world. I don’t need homework in the fridge. we can eat without glaze.

today’s affirmations: I have everything I need, especially salt and vinegar chips I am attractive to women and gnats I produce a healthy amount of sweat a bird would make a home with my hair

Feeling overwhelmed with all of this. LISTEN. Another Louisiana resident (Marshawn is the only name we have) testifies against the state’s racial gerrymander, speaking truth to power up and down the hearing room and predicts how this story will end. Speak your truth, fight and believe.

Computa…. assure me of my godlike power …. Computa …. Tell me I am genius important angel boy …. Computa … make me wax wings to fly so very high

today’s affirmations: I am porous and ecological. I am wearing cool shoes. I can cry profusely. I will eat a fresh scone. when a babies look at me I will smile and wave no matter what.

no matter how tough it gets we are at all times and all places one Korean bbq sandwich away from remembering life is worth living

god forbid a French rat live out his dream of becoming a chef on a cruiseship

One side is like “can we disenfranchise all the Black voters by this weekend” and the other is like gotta follow the rules that govern the rules that control the rulebook

Witnessing southern states rush to dismantle black voting power is truly truly some heartbreaking shit to behold

Modern technology could learn from older stuff that does what it's supposed to and doesn't bother you. My toilet just works and never sends me emails like "Good news! Flush® is now Floosh®"

husband is reading a used copy of All Quiet on the Western Front & and someone left post-its with insights like “author uses similes and metaphors to explain things” and “war and suffering is bad and changes people” and I always know when he finds a new post-it bc I can hear his anguished sighs

wandering the Sonora desert in a carefree fashion like

Pete Davidson is Zach Wood’s Wario.

Thriller movie about a guy who builds a time machine and then all he does is go back 30 years to buy a house

this is really heartwarming. two men exchanging symbolic tokens of things the other has no interest in (football, peace)

Christopher Hale@christopherjhale.bsky.social · 4mo ago

Pope Leo XIV gifted Marco Rubio a plant of peace. In return, Marco Rubio gave the pope a crystal football. The pope’s response? “Wow. Okay.”