Any attorneys who follow me, especially defense attorneys, please be on standby because I may not make it through this workday without committing a crime. Like a big crime. Like the biggest one. If you are going to be my attorney, you’re probably mad that I posted this.

fucked some dude and all I got was this lousy abortion

Me: “Omg, look at this baby seagull I just rescued!” @emceekayvee.bsky.social: “Do you think he’ll ever see his mother again?”

Honey You Shrunk My Libido

Who called it a “sick burn” and not a “mortal comeback?”

I’m an “adult.”

I have really big boobs

Coffee please must have coffee I am so tired I need coffee hey guys send coffee

Why didn’t we call the 80s missing children on our milk “Carton Characters?”

I came to Bluesky to make jokes and maybe have a few people say I’m pretty

Honey I Shrunk the Chances of Anyone Ever Dating You Again By Telling Everyone About Your STDs and Psychopathy

The long weekend is almost over. 🥱🦉🪶

Don't tell me who to date

Hard launching my new man

“What are we doing, aren’t there way more of us?

It helps to be a big natural when it comes to parenting 🏆👑 Congratulations @emceekayvee.bsky.social from @ghostofelizabeth.bsky.social

emceekayvee@emceekayvee.bsky.social · 2d ago

Me: *holding my first baby moments after he was born* My brother: well, how does it feel? Me: duh, with its hands, just like us

I don’t mean to brag, but, my Face ID doesn’t recognize me without a $5 foot-long in my mouth

This post is at 69 likes

emceekayvee@emceekayvee.bsky.social · 2d ago

Me: *holding my first baby moments after he was born* My brother: well, how does it feel? Me: duh, with its hands, just like us

Someone outdid himself.

“If you don’t want hit on don’t post sexy pics.”

Driving past the fields of Correctionville, Iowa. This must be where they grow the reply guys

Downplay a book or movie: Conditioner

emceekayvee@emceekayvee.bsky.social · 4d ago

Downplay a book or movie: Of Hamsters and Boys

Relevant ceramics content by @kwatrousceramics.bsky.social

Downplay a book or movie: Ordinary Science

emceekayvee@emceekayvee.bsky.social · 4d ago

Downplay a book or movie: Of Hamsters and Boys

Make a board game dirty Ticket to Ride for an Hour

emceekayvee@emceekayvee.bsky.social · 3d ago

Make a board game dirty Handyland

Me: *holding my first baby moments after he was born* My brother: well, how does it feel? Me: duh, with its hands, just like us

Why he hate me dancing when it’s one of the things I’m good at?

Getting-by Things OrganiCop Star Trek Into Dimness Friendly Girls

emceekayvee@emceekayvee.bsky.social · 6d ago

Downplay a book or movie: The Mediocre Gatsby

Unalive Firmly Unalive Firmly Again Half-Heartedly Seeking Susan Plain in Pink A Few Dalmatians Dusty Dancing Drizzle Man Aluminum Magnolias Some Dogs go to Heaven Partial Recall A Small Ado About Nothing

Downplay a boom or movie: The Baronet of the Rings

emceekayvee@emceekayvee.bsky.social · 6d ago

Downplay a book or movie: The Mediocre Gatsby