I’ve had 6 shots of espresso today which is the upside and downside of owning an espresso machine

[Earlier, at the beach] Me: "topless sunbather over there..." Sophie: "yes, well it's France. Try not to stare." Me (interior voice): "joke's on you, we've got boobs at home"

I had not some across this before, but if you want an example Nathan Cofnas’ scholarship, this is a doozy. Again I say, being sacked is not the problem; being recruited in the first place is what deserves scrutiny.

I am discovering that like defeating Serena at tennis, DIY home improvement projects are way easier and more enjoyable in theory than when you have to actually do them

I need a screencap of fernando Alonso doing the thousand yard stare

This would be a great way for @sheffcitycouncil.bsky.social to build on #GreyToGreen... and get householders to join in... reducing the paved areas in their gardens... and even better if it was nationwide...

Victoria@beaniest.bsky.social · 16h ago

I've only just learned of Tegelwippen in the Netherlands. We need a UK Tegelwippen to help with our resilience to climate change. gardeningnews.co.uk/dutch-tile-w...

Driving instructor: Okay, ahead of your test, I'd like you to work on your observation. More active mirror checks. Me: Okay. Driving instructor: And, while it's not specifically on the test, you might want to try to stop muttering "Oh shit. Oh shit. Oh shit" constantly while you drive.

“Found the barrier” is quite the euphemism #dutchgp

Oddly pleasing to realise that sitting in the sunshine doing some mending listening to someone telling the story of the illiad is an experience I could’ve had anywhere in about the last 3000 years

I don't know who needs a real pickmeup today, but in recent court filings about the wealth owned by Andrew Tate, they indicate the Bugattis and Aston Martin he always bragged about owning... were rented. All of them.

Hug my mum

2000s@popculture2000s.bsky.social · 2d ago

what would you do if you woke up and found out it was 2003?

That amounts to 500 TB per boob. Current largest available microSD cards can hold 2 TB. That's 250 microSD cards to fill the volume of one cup. I'm happy to conclude this is in the plausible territory with current technology, if a bit expensive.

The Emotion Engine@emotion-engine.bsky.social · 5d ago

In this economy?

watermlon

Interesting

Optimist: The cup is half full Pessimist: The cup is half empty BoardGamer: The Cup is passed anticlockwise until each player has had at least one go ; then the round restarts with the first player token moving clockwise unless the third player scored more than both players to their right combined

Dr. Jim Getz@jimgetz.bsky.social · 2d ago

Optimist: The cup is half full Pessimist: The cup is half empty Assyriologist: T[he] cup [is] ... [xx] ...

My blood donation questionnaire asked me if I’ve had any new sexual partners in the last three months and when I clicked No it sent me to a screen that flashed LOSER over and over and now I can’t get back to the main screen and yes I’ll hold

comic about another universe

YOLO and Carpe Diem are basically the same thing

PSA If you encounter someone who dismisses your #ADHD because they watched 'The Great ADHD Myth?', feel free to tell them to contact me via my site so I can explain, at length, why they're an idiot Hell, send my their address and I'll do it face to face. I'm willing to go full 'Punisher' over this

women only want one thing (to never hear you speak again)

I wonder how many of you are clicker-trained by The Tiktok Noise or The Pornhub Noise?

🚨🚨🚨 BANGER ALERT 🚨🚨🚨

Happy 9th birthday to TEETH.

Museum of Twitter@museum-of-twitter.bsky.social · 6d ago

responding to a diss track with a song called Genuinely Thought We Were On Good Terms

Game’s gone, lads.

Alexander Fox@alexanderfox1.bsky.social · last wk.

Reminds me of that great tweet which went something like “Americans check themselves into rehab for what the average Brit drinks on a two-hour train journey.”

Look, if you say “i don’t want to X but” and then immediately do the thing, you’re just lying to yourself. You clearly do want to, just own it. Today I am going to ragebait, today I am going to say something mean

I think that, much like being able to phone in sick to work, you should also be able to phone in furious. Everything is very slow and I’m in a terrible mood, trying to “do” my “job” isn’t helping

is it pronounced almond or almond. or almond