Healthcare hack: hook up with a doctor and then ask them if they noticed anything unusual
Huge Ackman
@prof-hinkley.bsky.social
I use 100% of my brain 100% of the time
Bro I can't stop thinking about the plums you left in the fridge
*five minutes after getting out of my time machine and meeting Jesus Christ* no, LCD Soundsystem is the artist; Daft Punk Is Playing at My House is the title. I know it's confusing.
The ghost of my dead plant watching me go to Lowe's gardening section
the average american streams eight spider-man movies in their sleep each year
I refuse to get any cooking surface "ripping hot", out of respect
Welcome to middle age. You now have a special space between your teeth that can fit an entire meal
Saw a dude at in n out get a water cup and make lemonade from the free sugar and lemon wedges at the drink station, and honestly, he earned it
I don’t think white people actually like Paula Deen. I think we just like butter
I saw David Bowie on SNL in 1979 singing The Man Who Sold the World in a shiny black plastic skirt w velvet and sequin trim. This blew my 11 y/o mind. I was like "Oh shit, you can just do whatever you want!". Later I learned that this is only true for the beautiful, the talented and the wealthy.
airbnb I’m staying at unintentionally created the toughest punk album cover of 2027
This is out of control. Lowe's already has their Halloween 2027 decorations out
any sale is a back to school sale if you're [deep sigh] if you're facing away from a school
Sometimes I enter the wrong authentication code on purpose just to make sure a website is paying attention
my self driving car ran over three people before I remembered that I was driving my regular car 
it is the worst when you get out a pair of pants to try on but they aren’t the look today. and now i have to put those pants back? i’m going to be busy getting another pair of pants because these didn’t work. maybe these pants can cool off on the bedroom chair for a while??