I thought getting a parrot to shout “skank” at everyone who ordered a matcha would be a great idea, a real draw to compete with the evil mermaid, but apparently they all want this business to fail.

Going to see the Odyssey today and I can’t wait to see the scene where Athena gets Tom Holland and Robert Pattinson to start making out

Checking into the election results from Michigan last night and was reminded to never do that again

I want a girl in a wedding dress and an orange jacket

Such bullshit that my bank won’t let me roll over my CD into a slush fund

Now my cat demands a treat as he’s eating a treat. This seems to be a bit much.

Teach a man to fish and he’ll get drunk on a boat for one day. Feed a man to a fish and you’ll have a cool story for the rest of your life

teach a man to fish before you eat him, or you’ll be hungry again in an hour.

(Dumping a big box of googly eyes onto the pizza before shoving it into the oven) My grandmother brought this recipe over from the old country

Cool so now I know at least 99 people want nothing to do with me

Bluesky@bsky.app · yesterday

Update: group chats can now host up to 100 members.

All I'm saying is there are no donut parasites

I’ll admit I have virtually zero “gaydar” and I’d be clueless if you were super wasted in my living room but I can tell you with 100 percent certainty that Max Miller is a fuckin piece of shit

just saw an ad that a local casino is giving away a 1989 camaro iroc z and i’m guessing they just went to mi and stole it outta your stepdads yard

I’m noticing a suspicious lack of people taking to the streets declaring that they’re Peppers

Calling in disillusioned this morning

It’s August 4 do you know if your senator is an organ donor

Unless Pirro has a penis she’s toast

Dueling beginning artists choose pastels at dawn

𝙱𝚊𝚋𝚎 𝚁𝚞𝚝𝚑𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜@unfitz.bsky.social · 2d ago

Dueling pharmacists choose pestles at dawn

in time the rod Becomes more mock’d than fear’d

I’d assumed I’ve achieved maximum pasty-whiteness but then I went to a Train concert in the middle of Indiana and nope I’ve still got some work to do

Don’t worry folks once all the terminally ill Medicaid recipients are back in the workforce the economy will really be healthy again

TEN things you hate about me? In this economy?

[Sic] Burns@sicburns2.bsky.social · 4d ago

NINE tonight? In this economy?

9 1/2 weeks? In this economy? (JUST BECAUSE I'M HORNY )

NINE tonight? In this economy?

Thanks For Sharing, Jerk@thx4sharingjerk.bsky.social · 4d ago

EIGHT is Enough? In this economy?

Ovulating so hard that I’m giving a guy with a J name a chance

August is the stupidest month of the year we should just make June and July 15 days longer or something

Yes Elon you can buy Susan Collins but she doesn’t come with voters included I know this because Mitch and Ted are still Senators

buncha cats and a jar of hot honey will get me into the back of your unmarked white van

Morning has broken. Someone fixed it But that was yesterday.