having to be on my best behavior for company really drives home what a Creature i am the rest of the time. what do you mean i have to be upright and pleasant and engaged from the moment i wake up to the moment i go to bed? where are my video game naps
starting the first baseball team where all the players go to town on each other between innings
My husband has NEVER talked in his sleep, a streak he recently chose to break by loudly whispering, “There’s someone at the window.”
ceej@ceej.online · 2y agoMy wife, a prodigious sleep-talker, failed to disclose her affliction when we started dating, which led to the fright of my life the night she sat bolt upright in bed and in a low flat monotone loudly declared that “THIRTEEN BABIES REMAIN UNFATHERED.”
took the in-laws out for thai food and they insisted on ordering a deeply insane amount of food and now we have leftovers for 80 days
trying to figure out a way to steer the day in a direction where i get to eat nachos
My current art obsession is this round ass Godzilla by Mike Mignola. Plump but still menacing w/ that classic Mignola line and shape efficiency.
the only bluesky 38 you need to worry about is the revolver i placed on the table when i began this meeting
jesus god i'm so tired and we still have so much in-law entertaining to do
picking up my husband's parents from the airport and taking them straight to a mariners game
Asses are fucking disgusting and won't exist under populism
sick of having to hear about the dumbest loser in the world just because he’s also the richest person in the world
that’s my emotional support chainsaw. i have to wave it around or i get anxious
If I had access to a time machine the first thing I’d do would go back to when little me was blowing bubbles in my drink with a straw and when my mom told little me to stop I’d burst in and say “WHAT DO YOU CARE, LET HIM DO IT”
The caption about the new camera is so brilliantly silly and stupid. It's a perfect joke.
Dreamboat Branny 🦢@bransonreese.bsky.social · 3d ago
there's nothing more tedious than a dumb person who thinks they're a smart person
i love Wrath of the Righteous so much even though i will never finish it because it is six trillion hours long
Chase Sapphire? Who am I, Indiana Jones?
i wonder what baldur’s gate 3 is doing right now
mary holland is so funny and great and i am in love with her
the key to staying underwater indefinitely is confidence
thinking about the time my dad couldn't remember the phrase Jock Jams so he said 'you know, the one that's all music a guy would play to get himself jazzed up to assassinate the president. whole CD of it. what's that called again'
the number of people i've blocked for actually getting in my face is likely dwarfed by the number of people i've blocked for visibly lacking home training in someone else's mentions in a way i never want to interact with
i hope john fetterman falls into an open manhole and goes "whoa whoa whoa!" and flails his arms all huge as he disappears and everyone who sees it laughs and claps because it's honestly a perfect pratfall but then it turns out he died
just had to get up and close the window because i was cold 🥹 fall is coming and my heart is singing
the in-laws are coming to visit this weekend. going to welcome them to seattle by whipping up my family's signature recipe, borscht with guns in it
