Jesus christ instagram, I do not want to see what people I know have the absolute gall to try and sell over on facebook
When you get two cats, how do they decide which one will have a tiny chirp like a pixie’s doorbell and which one will wail like the ghost of a jilted bride?
When you grew up poor and eventually bought your first piece of expensive furniture as an adult, right after the purchase you have a moment of “well I guess I will have to be buried in this someday”
sometimes, if you’re up early enough, you can hear them turn the birds on
stop paying for AI, I'll tell you lies and make you go insane for free
But maybe I’d RATHER develop an autoimmune disease than be seen crying in public
AI Guys heard about the wire mother cloth mother experiment and immediately dreamed of a world where everything was wire mother
Hey welcome to perimenopause, from this point on your sweat will smell like glue. No reason, it just will
ANTHROPIC: Our son loves humanity and for the low price of trillions and trillions of dollars will usher in an era of unprecedented peace and prosperity! OPENAI: Our horrible oafish son is hacking web sites without our permission. ANTHROPIC: (eyes narrowing) Our son is also evil
checking if my post from two years ago about drying european riverbeds revealing sunken nazi ships is still good
Being totally professional by getting to the office before 7am and waiting impatiently for my Uncrustable to thaw before my meeting
I wish all passive aggressive people a 𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘭𝘭𝘺 𝘯𝘪𝘤𝘦 𝘥𝘢𝘺, 𝘢𝘤𝘵𝘶𝘢𝘭𝘭𝘺.
I remember being so annoyed with Twitter in the late 2000s when most of the posts were super boring with people saying dull things like "eating a sandwich" and now we're in the TikTok age where the content is equally as mind-numbing, but now we also have to watch them eating those dumb sandwiches.
Hey remember when the media just casually admitted that Trump being out of office was bad for their engagement and revenue and then he got reelected
When I am a benevolent dictator I will make a law that says all gas stations are required to have fountain soda machines. If I go into one more place and all it has is bottles? Straight to jail
Riding on an otherwise empty bus feels like I hired the world’s shittiest limousine
Pandas behave in a way that makes their endangered status completely understandable
joining the war on taco bell on the side of taco bell
I've been thinking about things my entire life and quite frankly I'm sick of it.
I was never a Mama’s Girl or a Daddy’s Girl, instead I was a chainsmoking alcoholic Grandpa’s Girl, which explains almost everything
I'm watching in germany. The German commentators kept quiet for nearly the whole thing until suddenly the shot widened and we just hear with a German accent, "Oh, Miss Piggy"
I feel physical pain every time someone adds me to another Slack channel
"how were people writing 10 page papers before AI???" we were smarter than you. you could've been smart, too. but you sold your brain for nothing