batkaren
@batkaren.bsky.social
my mom fucked a bat just my bullshit: https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:6ljac3gxzqxy56fhx7qu3jqd/feed/aaali652rhjzc
Nothing like a gynecologist referring to your menstrual history as a "blood diary" to make you feel like your period paints the pages of the Necronomicon.
That time someone said, "Oh you're one of those science is right idiots" to me and I just knew in their head they were actually using "your" and not "you're".
My wife says I remind her of James Bond. I’m not good at following orders, I’m emotionally dead, and she’d like to see the role go to Idris Elba.
As an "Extremely Busy Person" I don't so much "go to sleep", I "pass out".
you can totally tell someone just vibe coded this dimension
Uncrustables™ is more than just a product. it's a philosophy. Be uncrustable. Live uncrustably.
Singing “Happy Birthday” to A Horse with No Name and watching the realization on everyone’s faces as we get closer to the end of of the song
one of the things I miss most about living with someone is asking them to bring me something from the other room
a friend asked me to sniff a baby bottle of his wife's breast milk to see if I thought it still smelled ok for their baby drink and it's probably the most intimate thing I've ever done with another person
“Why did I come in here?” I ask my cats They meow in response. I nod in agreement.
I tricked Garfield into eating a lasagna with a Monday rune in it and he's been spewing gore and dark spirits for the last few minutes.
Sure, my science lab is filled with oddly shaped vials, all bubbling with various brightly colored liquids, but it’s not like I’m MAD hahahaHA HAMUWAHAHAHAHA
No one needs Jesus. They need intergenerational friendships, experience working in the service industry, and universal healthcare
Onion rings are the only safe way for me to eat vegetables now
Why would you ever trust a computer enough to upload your consciousness to it? Just die in a Victorian manor and transfer your consciousness to its dilapidated walls in the traditional fashion
yes i'm into epic historical dramas (replaying all our arguments in my head)
I need a TV that can tell me if I've seen this show before and maybe also if I have food on my face
BARISTA: can i get a name for the order RUMPELSTILTSKIN: uhhh
driving through a rough part of town at night with my windows all the way down and Christopher Cross at full volume
Gave a gray alien a Faygo Moon Mist and it fucking died
becoming a treasure hunter (taking random pills i find in parking lots)
medieval old-timey skeleton with a full Elizabethan collar of little bones
If I had to dispose of a body I’d use an axe, I reckon with enough of their body spray you could easily dissolve a full size corpse.
It’s like mama always said: Don’t scan strange QR codes