Hot singles in my area? I'm an introvert, you can have them.

I love ending incredibly aggressive emails with "Yours in Christ."

When life gives you demons, make demonade.

Simplifying your life also means getting rid of people!

The older I get the more I understand why cats just walk away mid conversation.

Found out last night one of my favorite artist died, like years ago! Guess I’m a terrible fan girl!

"Let me collect my thoughts" I say as I walk out the door, never to be heard from again.

well, reality, maybe if you were a little nicer, everyone wouldn't be avoiding you.

Hot singles in my area are ignoring me! Who can blame them?

Hot singles in your area find your views on pizza toppings a cause for concern.

doctor it hurts when I think about stuff

My inner child needs a bandaid

I said “maybe” you’re gonna be the one that saves me

Last Christmas I gave you my heart Please respond

Why is someone making ghost sounds in our hallway? 🤣

Nice conversations are underrated!! 🙂

It’s amazing what a playful smack in the ass from the right person can do for your day.

Eat! Hydrate. Don't skip dessert

Anyone can keep up the players game for a short time!

A threesome? Too much going on at once. I can’t even back out of the driveway while the radio’s on.

Are you there, God? It's me, the guy who makes creepy Judy Blume references

reminder that your all your bedsheets are potential ghosts

My parents taught me to turn the lights off as a child and now they leave them on all the time!

Old people are weird

Don’t do shit for people who aren’t doing for you!!

When your spider senses tingle!!

I'm not a strong swimmer so I hope you don't mind me wearing arm floaties in your hot tub

after doing some basic research I have concluded that the world is a vampire

My intuition is highly sensitive to change

Things feel strange today!