I like graffiti that makes you think

Hi my name’s Hav and I write horror (check out my posts)

please stop replying “skill issue” on all my posts

nothing better than a tourist town that resents the tourists. thank you for coming to my ten-seat microbrewery and vintage ice cream shoppe. you son of a bitch

can't we all just hold hands and get along like civilised people no not you with the stone wash ripped jeans, but everyone else, please.

consumers: i want a laptop that doesn't degrade in six months and doesn't cost $2000 silicon valley: have you considered giving us all the money in existence to build sex dens on mars

Dude, I just wanted to smoke my cigarette, check the fuck out, and enjoy this song, but fine- tell me all about why your wife left you.

pls sit anywhere oh but not there that’s where i scream

I wish I could shazam a smell

People who say “I’ve had it up to here with you” I noticed there’s still space for more.

🎶 Nobody doeeeeees it betteerrrr 🎵 I sing as I decant the burnt chicken pie from the oven to the kitchen bin

I long for the simpler times like when that asshole merely suggested we all ingest bleach

look i know it’s weird that everyone who goes out to hunt with me goes missing but the rest of you want to keep eating right

getting embarrassed, putting my hands in my pockets and turning to look off into the horizon as my calvary charge fails

*wakes up* ok that’s enough

your neighbor could be a demon your neighbor could be connected by a series of roots to a large eye in your wall your neighbor might be crouched outside your door right now naked and hungry

whoa did you just pick the greater of two evils? not cool man

hey can i hold onto that pressure washer for a second i promise not to spray it directly into my eyes

Was as anyone here on Twitter in 2010. Yea? Can you remember that really funny tweet I did. All the lols, wasn't it. Like, really good.

Hot singles in your area find your views on pizza toppings a cause for concern.

I don't have mood swings, I have genre shifts.

CAN YOU ALL STOP GIVING ME FISH PLEASE I'VE NOWHERE TO KEEP THEM AND THEY'RE STINKING UP MY HOUSE. NO MORE FISH UNTIL FURTHER NOTICE OKAY JEEZ

a tray of lasagna can be an apéritif nothing matters anymore

Tim: what should we name our company Ken: how about KENTIM Tim: wait no I have a better idea

"For him, the Reflecting Pool is not a little thing. It is dominating his days, it is a signifier of his greatness." Donald Trump is focused on his own legacy – but his Washington renovations have gone "horribly wrong", and it's all he can think about www.thenewsagents.co.uk/article/why-...

Why is Donald Trump still banging on about the Washington Reflecting Pool? | The News Agents

Four months after a botched, and unnecessary, $14 million renovation of the Washington Reflecting Pool, Trump is still furiously trying to catch the “vandals” responsible. Why is this his most…

thenewsagents.co.uk

I tried screaming into the void but all I got was "You're call is very important to us. Please stay on the line for the next available operator." Then I spent an hour listening to cheap jazz covers of pop music.

I think my favorite comment is "I don't like this" on a thread of everyone being happy and excited

Whenever I meet a new person I take a picture of them with my phone in case they end up being The Murderer

Gonna try some moods swings for exercise

*checking box to be an organ donor Me: yes pls make sure a nice person gets my vagina DMV clerk: