i don’t think people over 5’10” should be able to run for office. what’re you doing up there? scheming, i bet

YOU CANNOT GRIND THE BONES OF YOUR ENEMIES INTO DUST TOMORROW IF YOU DO NOT SATE YOUR THIRST.

At least I enjoy my own company

*trying to set your house on fire after you said you didn't want to go out with me* Me: Omg I'm SUCH a scorpio! Lmao Cop: just put your hands on your head and turn around

I was born ready.

Nurse 1 (taking my blood pressure and pulse) “I’m just checking your vital signs” Nurse 2: “I’m just checking your frivolous signs: are you really a Sagittarius?”

My cursed amulet stays on during sex. (Me, flirting)

The color of the sky in Seattle is beau blue #c8dff1

I love ending incredibly aggressive emails with "Yours in Christ."

If you're far from the sea, a phone-throwing pond will do in a pinch.

People wear me the fuck out

If you could read my mind I really wouldn’t.

Stop. You had me at “Let’s leave before it gets crowded.”

@negatethechaos.bsky.social Patches mailed!! 🥳🥳❤️

I saw deer on my walk and I was all like wow you’re cool deer and they stopped and looked like yeah you’re cool too and then ran away

[murderer while in the middle of murdering me] did you just call timeout

MASINT #742 from █████ ███████ ██ (USAP) 1. Subsonic Camp 2. Abyss of Circuses 3. Counter-Programmer

I relate to gravel because it's just thousands of tiny, fragmented pieces trying to hold a boundary, but the second anyone walks over it, everything shifts uncomfortably.

"jerry keeps posting extremely mid, alert alert"

Bluesky Server Status@status.bsky.app · 3h ago

We are investigating various alerts coming from our PDS fleet status.bsky.app

I said “maybe” you’re gonna be the one that saves me

Good morning my lovelies 🌞

"Let me collect my thoughts" I say as I walk out the door, never to be heard from again.

Smart is so sexy.

Is this true?

All the cool kids talk to the moon

Go Trabi Go : 783s

I have been looking at ironing boards because the asbestos of mine disintegrated & the new iron-stand I bought is not satisfactory so if the one you mentioned has a sensible place to put the iron I would be interested in buying it.

Blooooog post incoming ilu ❤️ inkancestry.blogspot.com?m=1

Ink & Ancestry

Giving a second life to forgotten faces and faded signatures.

inkancestry.blogspot.com

I called my isp today and told them I was thinking about canceling my service. They gave me 45 bucks off my bill for 2 years if I would stay. I was never planning on leaving, i just wanted a discount lol Pandy = master mind

ME: And another thing, It should be called a buycycle when it's in the shop and a bicycle when you get it home. MY KIDNAPPER: *crying* Omg we let you go two hours ago