Calm down ice cream 🙄

Eating clam chowder out of the can with my hand like Winnie the Pooh

The moon ain't never done nothing for me.

Chat... Remind me what happens if the moon gets messed up...?

Writing an angrily worded letter to Court TV demanding to know where all the jesters are.

ALIEN: Take me to your leader. HUMAN: What do you wanna meet my cat for?

tom holland is his stage name. his birth name is thomas thee netherlands

the average american streams eight spider-man movies in their sleep each year

Give a man a fish ...and he'll dine out on the story of how someone once randomly gave him a fish for the rest of his life

Gen Un-Seasoned@gensibayan.bsky.social · yesterday

Give a man a fish and he'll say "umm... this is a fish...? why have you given me a fish?"

Give a man a fish and he'll say "umm... this is a fish...? why have you given me a fish?"

Ocado should have a "deliver sooner... I'm hungry" button 🤞🥺🤞

Me: I'll be able to hear you better if your lapel mic was on your lapel Them: Me: and I assume by your complete silence that you agree with me

Help me bloobs... What can I do with this...?

When I was 5 I saw the Observatory show at Madam Tussauds and it said we should move to the North Pole and no one believed me but now I'm seriously thinking about it! 🤒

Set your office temperature so that everything hot they make to eat becomes a salad.

MONSTERS!!!! 😭

Roberto Baldwin@strngwys.bsky.social · 3d ago

Important crossover event

Really big ducks go "quonk!"

Arrival is a film about how learning a new language takes time

There are dozens of us. Dozens!

Gabby HC@scriblit.bsky.social · 3d ago

Hello I have made this due to a mutual having issues with some folks on here forgetting this fact and shouting at him for it. Feel free to use it as a handy PSA x

In the future there will be no movies... There'll only be people quote posting people quote posting people quote posting people quote posting people quote posting people (and on and on) talking about what the right way to make and view art is.

David Sims@davidlsims.bsky.social · 4d ago

if I ever taught film criticism lesson one would be “you being smarter than the movie is not interesting to anyone”

chickens regularly participate in cannibalism ! So If You Think About It They Don't Have The Moral High Ground

Why don't chickens smell amazing when they're alive?

Them: What's your body count? Me: ... errrm 😳 ... i haven't killed anyone Them: ... Me: why, what have you heard? 😬

When I say "I'm over the moon" people say "yaaaayyyyy, omg what? so happy for you!!!" But when I say "I'm over the sun" they say "oh FFS stop complaining. We only get sunshine once a year, be grateful" 🙄

Me: Can I have a gin and tonic? Them: Sir, this is an elementary school party. Me: Fine. MAY I have a gin and tonic?

Be a firefighter. That's a job AI is actually going to help create.

when Linda divorced the cyclops, she went back to her maiden name, Liinda

Sisyphus in NOT a myth! I had two rounds of antibiotics to get rid o’ that shit!

Is touching grass a euphemism?* *asking for a friend 🫥