pressing the handheld emergency button so i can ask the MRI tech if my skull looks cute

if i was rich i ‘d have so much money

how long after a root canal should you wait to jack off?

chewing gun

New parting phrase I came up with: Keep your penis soft my friend.

if i was on my deathbed today, i think my biggest regret would be that i didn’t make more time to surveil people

tequila shot with a large cobb salad chaser

imagining a guy making a turd so long that the tip starts poking up out of the toilet in the next stall

the ointmentor

got the idea for & have started workshopping a new one-woman show: ethel merman sings ok computer

Guy who has confused balaclava with baklava and applies buttery layers of filo dough around his head before doing crimes. It works. It’s another way to do it

inside your butt is a second, smaller butt

Marilyn manson had his ribs removed so he could suck his own ribs

Texting the craigslist guy I sold a guitar to and asking if he’ll send me a video of him playing

saying goodbye to my big ol schnoz this wednesday (having ffs!) - we had a good run buddy, but it’s time to move on ❤️

when it comes to bathroom-style graffiti it doesn't get much better than 'fuck you' - just an absolute classic

Playing a lute and recounting today’s emails in the breakroom

all-croutons lunch today 🤌

My most delusional belief is that I think I could probably beat ponce de Leon in a one on one no holds barred explore off

if inventions did not exist, it would be necessary to figure out some way of addressing that

imagine taking two showers, one right after the other - that’s how clean god is

look at the sad lunch i’m having - oh how the mighty have fallen!

Let's get together and drink 1.5 tbsp of water

demanding to see my dentist’s SAT score

hooray! a pescetarian has been watching you masturbate!

Pharrell took off his big hat and now he’s wearing — the freaking scaffolding from the Kennedy Center?

Wow, what a great Grassy Valley Friday. I guess Grassy will wait another week to see you all. JUST KIDDING! Next week’s strip is already up on the Grassy Valley Patreon, along with mondo perks and bonus stuff. www.patreon.com/cw/baybayfri...

[doing a double-take at my neighbor as we're both getting our mail] "wait a sec, didn't i kill u last night?? oh, i guess it was a dream 😄"

out here it’s kiss or be kissed