a fun thing that happened this summer is that I have 5 prescriptions now. I’m like some old person going ‘oh look it’s 8:15 pm I need to take my pill and I’d better be in bed 30 minutes later or I’ll fall asleep on the couch’

as i walk through the hidden valley of the shadow of ranch

The Chehalis tribe of Washington State just south of Olympia have retaken possession of land along the I-5 corridor. This is how they repurposed the billboard facing the freeway.

My ladies group is doing a 📖 right now & it's generally a good subject: delighting in who God is. It just feels so impossible at this moment in time to delight in anything at all. I'm sure they had good intentions but I feel like.... read the room. If anything, I want to do a book on God's justice.

looking for investors to help launch an app that rates men for dating quality, I’m calling it Macebook

So how are all my former gifted and talented kids who used to read several books a day and now rot their faculties doomscrolling while ignoring a TV show doing tonight

My brand of cPTSD comes with knowing what mood the server is in by the way that they place down the silverware

Men, if you don't know any woman who has been sexually assaulted it's because the women in your life do not trust you, not because they haven't been assaulted.

Can this beloved bird app please lose the Cornell Lab title today because oh hell you all know

Hey hot take but I actually don’t give a fuck if expelling a rapist from school “ruins his future”

I literally don’t know a single woman who hasn’t been raped, stalked, groped, harassed, or sexually violated in some way at some point in their life. If you choose to doubt and dox survivors, just know every woman in your life is disgusted by you.

I was making potato and leek soup and the recipe asked for five potatoes cubed. Even for potato soup, 125 potatoes seems a little excessive.

left the house at 6am to drive my son to his first day of big boy employment, came back to my street closed for paving embarked on 3 block walk of shame in my pyjamas, bathrobe, and flip flops normalize telling yourself ‘I’m a good mom‘ while flaggers gawk

🎶well I'm not dumb but I can't understand why it look like burrito but tastes Indian oh my dosa D O S A, dosa

Jibbity goes on the attack after he suffered a non-consensual desqueakification procedure

Interviewer: what’s your greatest weakness Me: (straw slurping) probably iced coffee

the things I would like to teach my backup camera about the properties of ornamental grasses

couples Halloween costume ideas: zombie Kenny Rogers and Dolly Parton, go around singing "Islands in the Scream"

Hiring Manager: ‘did you seriously bring an iced coffee to this interview?’ Candidate: ‘it’s an espresso martini, I invested in a moka pot and use an award-winning recipe’ Hiring Manager *shakes head*:‘unbelievable. how soon can you start?’

*walks into interview* interviewer: (smugly) well I'm glad to see you didn't bring an iced coffee ... but who's your friend? me: oh this is my barista

The iced coffee is a red flag that you enjoy life and aren't fully committed to being the wage slave they're looking for.

Apparently it's not appropriate to laugh and shout THAT KID GOT BEACH SLAPPED when you see a child get knocked over by a wave

•brings extra science to the Nye fight•

woke up to the back door open and every single cat missing and I'm standing out there scratching my head wondering wtf to do when all 3 saw me and showed up screaming for breakfast and stalked back in angrily so I guess sometimes its good to have asshole bosses

I do the Mister Rogers casual-thing when I get home from work but instead of putting on a sweater and sneakers I strip naked in the driveway and set fire to my filthy and wretched clothes.

(cat porn music) bow chicka meow meow

WARNING: Moose will try to diagnose what is wrong with your broken vehicle.

don’t make me locate my emotional support secateurs which are jumbled somewhere in this garden wagon

most of being a homeowner is wondering ‘who the cuss do they think they are parking there??’ the rest is ignoring the word ‘meow’ in the middle