getting our baby ready for a lifetime of disappointment (we put her in her first raiders jersey today)
futuredadOfTwo🙋🏻♂️
@lacroixboi.dadguy.pro
tell my Wife and bebé and future bebé i mentioned them here. dang that is a bright ass thigh… and jerry’s face?! past presentdad: bsky.app/profile/did:plc:sdkxyw2r7xlx5kjhsolgagv6/feed/aaaaizi5rqfrk cis•het•Supportive•CA sober 13yrs
I can't get out of bed until my phone is at 1% (at which point I will go back to bed)
the folds in my chef hat represent the 100 different ways i can open a can of la croix
Christening a baby is nothing like christening a ship. I know that now. Once again I can only apologise.
find something beautiful and protect it from everything that isn’t
rough first week for humans at the intergalactic council. everyone was really nice but we spent a lot of time at orientation trying to figure out what made us unique among all the galaxy's species. turns out we're the only ones who thought to deep fry cheese. that's it. we're the fried cheese planet
actress tilly norwood has been deleted after being found unconscious next to a script containing a mistyped wildcard. she was 0
Almost crashed the car last night while getting a blowjob. Next time I’m driving
![script of the end of Waiting for Godot which has been modified to read
ESTRAGON: Well, shall we log off?
VLADIMIR: Yes, let's log off.
[They do not log off]
CURTAIN](https://cdn.bsky.app/img/feed_thumbnail/plain/did:plc:64mdicpo7sq4k5bx2z3m2jo6/bafkreia7vy7yqqyb7ytslx43odsuqsi4etojsjjntlqcrsguwncynwrfpm)
The difference between a catacomb and a basement is skulls. Catacomb without skulls? Thats a basement. Skulls in your basement? Thats a catacomb. Tired of having to keep saying this
pirates can't be taken to court, claims have to be settled in arrrrrbitration
a broken clock is right t̶w̶i̶c̶e̶ ̵a̶ ̵d̶a̶y̶. time is a hallucination. don't be ignorant.
RALPH MACCHIO: fans keep asking me to do the karate kid crane pose THERAPIST: at some point you’re just going to have to put your foot down
saw a sign for a holiday event that said "Howl-o-wine." no. that's too much. that is too much wordplay
Me: can I get some fries for the table The table, whispering to me: garlic fries Me: let’s make that garlic fries haha
bringing dead batteries back to life is revolting
Tired: Rams go 17-0 Wired: Rams miss playoffs Inspired: Rams go 0-17
Nate Atkins@nateatkins.bsky.social · 2d agoPuka Nacua wasn’t practicing in the open portion of practice today. FS Kam Kinchens (hamstring) was working out off to the side.