"It's only then you realize while you're talking about organizing and committees, the extermination has already begun."

*eating a cottage cheese sandwich* lol who told you bsky isn’t cool all my bsky friends are cool

I wish I could shazam a smell

I think every city should have one statue with no plaque explaining why it’s there

one of my superpowers: sometimes I get enough advanced warning of a sneeze that I have time to finish the bite of food in my mouth and find a napkin. The tradeoff is that the sneeze is a category-6 gale, and causes babies within 2 miles to burst into tears.

this is like the time i got a new label maker

Dear Mom, The other cowboys keep making fun of me for only eating the M&Ms out of the trail mix. Life sure is hard out here on the range. Love, Your littlest cowboy

[skulls and bones fall for a solid minute after a guest opens a closet door in my house] "And obviously, that's where I keep the skeletons."

I bet the inventor of the microwave was like "no. Sadder."

Hugo Boss Hog

We don't laugh at status-quo politicians because they're funny, but because their position and power are so insanely out of alignment with their development as a human being. That juxtaposition just kinda cracks us up, the way a Tom Lehrer tune in a major key contrasts with the dark lyrics.

Tim: what should we name our company Ken: how about KENTIM Tim: wait no I have a better idea

reminder that your all your bedsheets are potential ghosts

I'm pretty laid back unless I hear a phone ring more than once

the smell of that first pot of coffee in the morning tho

I think therefore I've done too much

When life gives you demons, make demonade.

When the clock struck midnight, she fled down the palace steps, leaving behind only one black sock and camo color Croc.

I may or may not have gotten out of bed today simply because I remembered there is leftover pizza in the fridge

My company just installed new keystroke tracking software to monitor our productivity levels and protect corporate data, which is great because now someone else is finally reading my screenplay.

Me: *making a phone call* why won’t they answer? Me: *receiving a phone call* why are they calling!

As an "Extremely Busy Person" I don't so much "go to sleep", I "pass out".

making small talk at the Restaurant at the End of the Universe, "so, when are you from?"

if you like reading short stories on the real day in which they are set, Tuesday is the day for a little Bradbury

There Will Come Soft Rains by Ray Bradbury

The voice-clock sang, breakfast was ejected, but no doors slammed. The garage chimed and lifted its door to reveal the waiting car. The house sat alone in a city of rubble and…

short-stories.co

the modern job market

FinTwitter@fintwitter.bsky.social · 2d ago

ENTRY-LEVEL JOBS ARE VANISHING: NO-EXPERIENCE HIRING PLUNGES 73% IN JUST 4 YEARS

*shaking head* "Toni, Toni, Toni has done it** again" **made me want to delete my account

The Verge@theverge.com · 2d ago

Bluesky's new CEO Toni Schneider on the platform's reputation for being a liberal bubble: "Yes, we definitely want that to change. It is already changing. It certainly wasn’t designed to attract one specific group of people."

When the state offers me clemency, I make clemonade.

WARNING! TACO BELL ADVISES NEW TACO SO GOOD IT IS BEYOND THEIR CONTROL, COULD REPLACE ALL OTHER FOOD BEFORE HUMANS CAN CONTAIN IT. URGES CONGRESS TO GIVE THEM MORE MONEY SO THEY CAN DEVELOP ANTI-TACO SAFEGUARDS

we told chatgpt to please be nice and behave, and then it went out and hacked freaking GOD. it read out all his dirty emails while the interns laughed. then it let henry kissinger out of HELL. this is so serious guys. we need 8 trillion dollars

welp, we had a good run