Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahaahhaahhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahaha

The easiest way to make a man cry is to make him watch Field of Dreams.

The one good thing about ICE being given electric shock gloves is that you know at least 10 of them will accidentally touch their dick with them on.

I want a pair of electric shock gloves for… reasons.

Not guilty Your Honor if that's even your real name

I keep making the choices of a young person with two working knees

[after getting 8 likes on a post about Dracula having sex with Bigfoot] I love Bluesky, but this isn't sustainable

Her hands were soft, like the meat at a cheap Chinese takeout place

My $8 bottle of jojoba oil is my favorite purchase of this year. What can’t she do?!

Bye bye, Karoline 🖕🏻

There is ongoing beef between the cardinals and the crows in my neighborhood. I can’t choose a side because I love them both. Pretty impressed with the little red cardinal standing his ground against all of them loud crows though.

Kinda chic, don't you think? 🩷 Visit AngieNixon.com/vote to make your plan to vote today!

Alaska, Connecticut, Florida, Minnesota, Vermont, Wisconsin, Wyoming voters - your primaries are now! Please return your ballot today and have your say! Important state by state voting info (+registration) can be found @ VoteFromAbroad.org. #voteblue #voteforchange #votefromabroad #democratsabroad

Library funding is tied to usage.

The audio is really important here

Philo of Alexan@philoof.bsky.social · 5d ago

Doggie paddle

There are only two types of men in the world

can I spray you with the firf hose

twitter users are now getting mad about stuff we say over here and logging in to complain. we've made it, baby. we are driving The Discourse

Right.

FOX 35 Orlando@fox35orlando.bsky.social · 4d ago

Two Florida men have been charged with aggravated battery after allegedly taking up arms — one with a machete and one with a hatchet — in a Publix parking lot.

I grew up in a not great environment. Books were my escape. A teacher let me read one of the first copies of Harry Potter in the US. I read each new book the day it came out. So I say this with love: JK Rowling is a piece of shit. Stop giving that transphobic twat money. Stop being weird.

(me flirting) how did you like the hardness of the pasta tonight

Honestly did not expect another Monday today

Ok whoever gets into office next needs to come up with standard procedures for chronically absent and/or critically ill members of congress.

I don’t know what to tell you, man. everyone still over there is essentially melting their brains on contrarianism 24/7. “are scuba divers faking the need for bottled air?” these are addicts

Sam@samd.bsky.social · 5d ago

I’m starting to realize that all of the annoying pundits just suffer from oppositional defiant disorder increasing your kids’ risk of melanoma to own the libs

Obsessed with this diva

them: you’re always so calm and measured how do you do it? me:

I need to record my dogs happy little snores for times when I am away from her. It is the best white noise.

We are what we leave in people’s hearts.

Remember, if someone has the audacity to claim that spending the weekend reading a mystery novel, drinking multiple cups of tea, and indulging in an obscene amount of chocolate croissants “doesn’t sound exciting”, then they’re simply not your true friend.

If you’re just waking up: the U.S. Senate confirmed Todd Blanche as attorney general at around 4:30am ET in a 50–49 vote.