You can be a slut for dinner every night. No one even tries to stop you

Good morning from Mrs Smallface and I.

To the woman walking 20 feet behind her husband into the Great Falls National Park visitor center, flipping him the bird the entire time: I see you gurl

Introduce yourself with 10 acts you've seen live: Björk Eminem Placebo Rodriguez Bob Dylan Neil Young Brian Wilson Spiritualized Primal Scream Arthur Lee & Love

beth death & the dumb-belles@dumb-belles.bsky.social · 5d ago

Introduce yourself with 10 acts you've seen live: David Byrne Björk Tori Amos Patti Smith Jerry Lee Lewis James Brown Elvis Costello Suzanne Vega Richard Thompson Jarvis Cocker

Find someone who is just as comfortable watching BBQ Brawl as he is taking a shower together ALL on FaceTime

Passive aggressive fortune cookies: You better enjoy the next 24 hours.

I hope your cat goes to heaven or whatever but I really hope it doesn’t have a ghost. Cats are unruly enough in the flesh they’d be straight-up dicks with the powers the other side provides.

Sorry I’m an hour late. A guy in the parking lot was backing into a spot.

Anyway here’s Oasis’ Wonderwall

Matt 📷♿️🐈@crankycyborg.bsky.social · 2w ago

anyway, here’s Narwhal

meat glasses

We are all dogs in the universe's hot car. And the windows are rolled up.

Good morning. Has your cat walked over your face demanding breakfast yet?

You can pry my grilled cheese from my cold dead hands

Today's #BirdOfTheDay theme is #Iridescence, any bird with colour changing plumage. Here is a Shining Sunbeam from the cloud forest outside Quito. #shiningsunbeam #hummingbird #birdsofecuador

I think Oreos and Ritz crackers are more fragile than they used to be or perhaps I have become VERY strong

Another day, another recalled food

Breaking News: the tits have broken containment from the tank top overnight

I’m hurt my shoulder masturbating too vigorously years old

If he shows up to your FaceTime chat wearing nothing but a BK crown he might be the one

No one, absolutely no one needs ketchup slices

I’ve been binging shows to dissociate so much that last night my dreams had commercial breaks

World Cup cameramen scanning the crowd for crying English kids:

If he doesn’t blow you a kiss using the hand covered in his jizz, then he’s just not that into you

This day in history. 1977. Australian anti-drug crusader Donald "Call Me Bruce" Mackay disappeared. 22 calibre shells were found so you may think the wildlife had nothing to do with it, dumb as they are, but days before, an orangutan, also named Bruce, had escaped from the Wagga Wagga Zoo, so, yeah.

Talk to text is bullshit. It hasn’t transcribed a single giggle yet.

I have less than 24 hours left with my octogenarian guests and I’m not sure I am gonna make it. Send help

Call me the government babe cause I’m going to screw you hard everyday