Everything bagel implies the existence of nothing bagels. Antimatter bagels. Bagels of the void.
Mom: What’s your superpower? Jinx: I can look you straight in the face when you’re talking and not hear a single word you said.
There’s a guy at the farmers market who will read your tomato’s aura for a quarter
But did you ever receive a telemarketing call with a rooster crowing in the background?
I'm not saying I'm a good person but the office dog chose to keep his toys under my desk and no one else's. I'm thinking about mentioning this on my CV.
It’s not so much that Bluesky is dying, but more that the daily news cycle is so horrid, many of us have retreated into our shells.
A cat won't fix all of your problems...but they will ignore all of them with you.
My life sized skeleton is scheduled to arrive today, so of course, the curb couch disappeared. Ngl, I’m kind of disappointed.
Interviewer: list five words that describe your character Me: Huh? Sorry. I wasn’t listening.
Jim@jimstewart.bsky.social · last wk.Interviewer: list five words that describe your character Me: are you fucking kidding me
Wish I could just nod off for 5 minutes and then wake up like I wasn’t even sleeping. Sheesh!
Not to brag or anything, but I have 31 pinned feeds to scroll through.
I hope no one takes the couch that former tenants left by the curb across the street a couple weeks ago. I just ordered a life-sized poseable skeleton for it.
I love it when waiters ask me to say "When" while grating cheese on my meal. It’s cheese, dude. We’ll be here a while.
Bluesky is actually really fun if you block the right 27,000 people
I’m going to need all of your best recipes for Jell-O shots. I have watermelon, peach, cherry, pineapple, cranberry, strawberry, lemon, and lime. Shout out to Meijer’s for the great sale and selection!
Please explain it to me like I’m a little teapot.
Dr. Sally Ride passed away on this date in 2012 at the age of 61 of pancreatic cancer. She was the first American woman & the youngest American in space (STS-7 1983) She was on both the Challenger & Columbia committees investigating the crash causes.
you fell victim to one of the classic blunders! (creating a bluesky account)