pls sit anywhere oh but not there that’s where i scream

I’m going to reply “you asshole!” on every selfie i see today

Fuck it, Halloween starts right now and runs through February 15th. You're welcome.

i'm not positive or inspirational. i'm just a stack of pretty pictures in a trench coat.

I hope this lines up with something dumb

I wish I could shazam a smell

A slo-motion clip of an out of focus twinkling star named Arcturus through my scope tonight

Good morning Bluesky ☀️ My grandad told me he saw the Titanic - from the outset he warned all the people that the ship would sink, but nobody listened to him. He knew he was right and didn't give up. He warned them again & again, until eventually they kicked him out of the cinema.

Stop. You had me at “Let’s leave before it gets crowded.”

I don't wanna brag but I brag harder than anyone here

scrambled eggs, cheese and hot sauce is an egg salad. fight me

Swatch watch and Jams shorts

Eric Alper @thatericalper.com · yesterday

What's the very first thing you bought with money you earned yourself?

what if we just dove around town listening to music while you show me stuff?

my account still has that new post smell

Vicks is just spicy vaseline

sorry you didn’t make the cut but I really had to narrow it down, I hope you understand

Bluesky@bsky.app · yesterday

Update: group chats can now host up to 100 members.

I don’t think there’s enough rumors going around about me

By the time you finish reading this post, you'll wonder what Devo's Whip It would sound like covered by Bryan Adams.

i hope this email finds you and beats the shit out of you

Ignore each other and chill?

She wore a snozzberry beret.

who do we want? the funk soul brother when do we want him? right about now

There are way better reasons to block me besides being on one of those idiotic lists.

Calling in disillusioned this morning

I’m pretty sure some of you are actually insane.

Scrolling my media tells you all you need to know about me

My 10 year plan is just to see what happens

long story short *screams*

It’s always been a dream of mine to have my own sasquatch farm.