please stop replying “skill issue” on all my posts

[mr. brightside voice] my friggin’ back, it’s killing me

This is not the dystopian hellscape I imagined for my children

it’s my birthday month so you have to be nice to me it’s in the bluesky rules and regulations

My blood type is og kush

Me: *does the robot* Interviewer: I meant skills related to the job.

Sourdough, wheat, white, injera, and rye are all keto killers for me. I'm going to switch over to flatbreads with almond flour. Everything else is a naan starter.

if god intended for women to remain fertile this late in life, the least she could've done is give us a penis

the energy I bring to Bluesky

Alt: Joe Versus the Volcano (1990) - I have no response to that

static.klipy.com

Not a friend, not a bsky crush, but a secret shitposter thing.

said “fucks sake” without realizing 3 was right behind me and she’s been randomly sighing and saying “fox ache!” and honestly it’s too cute to even try to correct

work *we are open to new ways of doing everything, there are no bad ideas* me: presents an idea 🥹 work: *that’s a bad idea and we’d never do that what are you even thinking this isn’t a daycare take your insane ramblings back to wherever you came from and just do things the way the always do*

Official documents today confirmed there are only 26 separate Bluesky users, which surprised me.

Did you fall from heaven because have sex with me

I'm not sure how I missed your three month old post the first time, but this time it was intentional.

It really takes a lot of courage for hamburger to ask for help.

I don’t run this account, it runs me

sometimes I wonder if I’m wasting my life but then I open bsky and know that I am

Ignore each other and chill?

are people still eating olive loaf

Me: *posts about microwave* Internet stranger: "wow I cant believe you hate single mothers, disabled people, neurodivergant people, the elderly, the- "

I’m not religious but I do believe in signs from the universe

i carry around a calculator so in the event of a disaster i can be confident in the aftermath

i have no idea what that means *like*

Important.

"Get out of your comfort zone". Bold of you to assume I have ever been comfortable in my life.

The fact that I'm not on reality TV yet really sucks for all of you that watch it.

I once had hopes and dreams now I have bills and yard work.

You can be anything you want to be, so be annoying.

People who say “I’ve had it up to here with you” I noticed there’s still space for more.