Onion rings are the only safe way for me to eat vegetables now

I am half drunk eating a raspberry uncrustable for dinner, if you were wondering how my glamorous life is going.

I am one of those babies. Parents managed to not kill each other for 8 whole years after. But damn did they try.

Viktor Winetrout@viktorwinetrout.bsky.social · 6d ago

Having a baby to save your marriage is like curing insomnia with crystal meth

can you come over and do this to me

I’m too young to be this old

Uncontested divorces take 60 days to finalize. I think if you've been married over 25 years, you should be able to shout "I'm divorced" three times in your local supermarket and call it good

withdrawing into myself so hard that my tits have popped out my back, it’s normal it’s fine

Babe. I just rly wanna escape to somewhere less forsaken

My wife appreciates the same feature of our marriage as she does in my credit cards – they’re both contactless.

With the unstoppable rise of the Nashville hot chicken and Korean fried chicken trends, it's clear: Europe needs to develop its own strategic, sovereign fried chicken trend, or risk being left behind by American and Asian peers.

My best friend has developed a habit of pointing out every time I forget something we have talked about saying shit like 'to recall...' Girl. I am post menopausal & stressed the fuck out. I am lucky to remember your name!

I am having "sweaty & fed up with everyone's else's bullshit" Summer

Hiding in the bathroom asking myself if I can 'live through this'

After 10 yrs can I hard quit polyamory? Probably. Do I end up alone? Likely.

Another thing on my poor last nerves? Being the mother of special forces Marine and hearing that gutterslop P. Hegseth refer to my child as a 'war fighter' My child helps keep us out of wars ffs. Literally his whole job.

GenX friends... am I the only one of us who still feels 26 years old at 57?

Bring me the oils, but only the most nonessential,unnecessary, extraneous ones.

Today is sitting up in bed, smoking a cigarette and looks over at Tomorrow who is sulking and says, "I'm sorry you never come."

Our drug dealer is also my GF's sorta boss/coworker and sometimes poly play friend. This is absolutely NOT something that causes me DAILY anxiety.

The 'Last Fat Chick on Earth' is going to be a BLOCKBUSTER. Anecdotes of me enjoying a maple doughnut while yet another friend calls me to say she has not pooped in the last lunar cycle.....

calling my weight loss journey the bodyssey

Life update: 30 more days until I'm completely divorced of H of 26 yrs My car broke down today. now between my partner & I, we have 0 working cars. I am literally the only person among my female friends not on a GLP1 Carless Once Divorced Fat Girl Summer is in full swing!

Every weekend I try to have all the QUEER JOY I can. It doesn't stop the horrors but it makes them less horrific for 48 or so. 🌈

It has been almost 10 years since my Twitter crush who became my real life partner died. I would give anything to talk to him today. Or any day. I love u endlessly David.

I've seen a bigger crowd at a garage sale than at the national state Fair.

The car I love more than some of my friends is dead on the side of the road. Now Cletus the tow truck driver is giving me a lot of BS about what I need to do. Dude. I am a car chick. Step. The. Fuck. Back.

Dance like no one knows you’re a bipolar manic-depressive.

And if it's a FaceTime we get make bunny ears over your head.

Kelly@infinitefinite.blog · last mo.

if you have a phone conversation on speaker in public, it's only fair to let the people around you chime in since you're forcing them to be involved anyway

Keep your filthy personal agenda off of my beautiful posts.