No one is mistaking your kindness for weakness. Cool it with that.

Shakira does for me what Gloria Estefan did for my dad

[chucking all my books into a canyon and crying] you were supposed to have the answers

[Calling up the Delta CEO to complain about the snack selection] I’ll have you know I’m a SILVER MEDALLION MEMBER

Hey Mr. Tambourine Man, play a song for me. *Tambourine Man shakes tambourine for several minutes* Well that sucked.

Didn’t have my glasses on and read “hog” as “hoe” in the first panel. 10/10

NANCY COMICS BY ERNIE BUSHMILLER@nancycomics.bsky.social · 2mo ago

Nancy By Ernie Bushmiller May 31,1947

The missus and I were having a light-hearted argument about whether we eat porridge or drink porridge. It escalated unexpectedly, words were exchanged, and she revealed she's been fucking someone on the side, so I suppose we're splitting up. Because of porridge.

SHAFT

WHO@who.int · 3mo ago

WHO is aware of and supporting a public health event involving a cruise vessel sailing in the Atlantic Ocean.

I had all this shit on my bingo card I dunno what’s wrong with y’all’s cards

But they were all of them deceived, for another Non Blonde was made.

MrBeast competition to see who can make it through the Strait of Hormuz

As you can see from my clunky, unattractive ring, I graduated from high school.

One of the more fun ironies in revisiting The Road Not Taken ages and ages after first reading it is that I am far more aware today of how unexceptional and banal my choices and abilities are than I was when I was, say, 22.

Over on threads someone just use ai;dr and we all need to adopt that right quick

i can’t stop laughing

Now I want to know which CNN reporter or producer doesn't know the word "sycophant."

this image is maybe the single greatest joke in TRADING PLACES. and also a pretty apt description of the trump/vance/national conservative vision of america

Alan Siegel@alansiegella.bsky.social · 8mo ago

This image will always stick with me. (And the name…)

Do other countries have this weird notion that you’re not a “real” representative of the nation if you live in an urban center? Like do the French say Parisians aren’t really French? Are you considered not a real German if you live in Berlin? Or is this mainly a weird American thing?

painting of ET getting pelted with pinecones i did a few years ago

If you’ve left your shopping until now, and you are in the market for men’s size small, let me assure you you’re good.

this is not behavior becoming of a FIFA Peace Prize recipient.

All the fellas down at the swimmin' hole would suck in their guts when ole frog-chuckin' Ameline sauntered into the shallows, skin all aglow. "Ooh, there she goes," they would whisper amongst themselves. "There goes ole frog-chuckin' Ameline with her skin all aglow."

Only I can prevent forest fires

getting a text in the middle of the night and it's just my loathsome vizier saying "Your enemies lie in wait, my lord!!" what am I supposed to do with that. its four in the morning

I was in downtown LA last night and witnessed someone honking furiously at a Waymo for not making a right on red and it felt like it really captured our moment.

[waiting the six seconds for my Keurig coffee to pour] cmon cmon cmon there has GOT to be a faster way

Putin: "Mr Trump, tear down this house!"

I just totally destroyed some baby at a game of peekaboo. He was right to cry.

[wife wanting to discuss my mid life crisis] brent [me with my graffiti buddies] actually it’s Sprayz now